Why does it make a difference?

I was coming to post about something else but an email I've found on the way has changed the topic!
So.
This email was from a friend and it was a forward from a friend of theirs regarding blood/bone marrow donation as a general need and specifically for their daughter (the friend of a friend's daughter. Keeping up?!) I am not a blood donor because I can't be - I had two blood transfusions (following my two jaw operations) in the "bad" window when bloods were not properly screened and there was BSE and so on. So I can't donate blood now or ever. That's a slight tangent.
With this email was a flyer highlighting the family's campaign. I was thinking along the lines of "oh, that's sad, poor them, hope it works out" before opening the flyer. Then I opened it and the girl affected is just gorgeous. About eight years old, beautiful smile, really bright looking, her hair in cute bunches and so on. So now the story is devastating, desperately sad, wish I could donate (but see above, I can't - though maybe bone marrow? I don't know.)
Why does the fact that she is cute make any difference at all? Obviously there have been studies into things like maternal instincts and that cuter children (bigger eyes, whatever it is) do bring out more of the natural desire to protect but still...
I can't ever know if the reaction would have been the same on opening the flyer - maybe it was just having a face to the problem that was the trigger and how she looked didn't really have anything to do with it but I think we've probably seen this on bigger scales anyway to know that it isn't just me and that the story and just a face does not produce the same interest as a story and a pretty face. Thoughts?

I Miss You

One of the least fun things about all this moving is all the people you have to keep leaving.
One of the very best things about this move is that we are now in fairly easy reach of lots of lovely people - doctor/woman, snoo, associated husbands (hmm, I think Husbink should start a sports team or a quiz team or a support group or anything really called "associated husbands") and several more besides. But they are still a drive away or a train away or something other than a very quick pop.
It has helped spectacularly with the settling in to see doctor/woman and mr me on Saturday (they got to watch me do some un-flat-packing, lucky them) and to have an evening with Snoo and the Hub on Monday (despite the failure of the Wii to provide entertainment!). Not to mention that the ever wonderful Mr and Mrs SD came to help us move in (and brought us a spare fridge, as you do). But I want to see them more! I want to share car journeys to and from work with Mrs SD like we used to. I want to bump into the Hub on the crescent as we go to work in the mornings or come home in the evenings. I want to know that d/w is just down the road (even if, actually, I've probably spoken to her more in the past few months than we ever used to manage then!). No one lives where they used to anymore (if that makes any sense), that era has finished but...
I don't mean to be a big whinger. I've already been round to someone's house in this new city, a very kind and friendly older couple who took care of me on Sunday when I explored a strange new church (it was very different for me, I'm unlikely to settle there but it was a very refreshing change) and I know that I will find more people here. I know I'll meet them and they will be fabulous...I just don't want to have to leave any more people!
All the people in the Hutt that we've left behind, the people we've now left in Carlisle (admittedly with a couple of them it is just the case that we got in first, another few months and they'd've left us), all the people scattered across the UK...would you all like to come and live down the round from me again please? Thank you very much
xxx

Feeling Helpless - Again

I've been wanting to post this for a few days but the website in question was down and I didn't want to post until the link would work...

So, as you may recall, Husbink and I watched Hotel Rwanda a little while ago and were overwhelmed by the sense of helplessness and shame that it brought on. Most significantly, we both said "surely if this happened, and we knew, we'd do something..."

And so this week we found ourselves sitting down and saying "this is awfully close to happening again, what are we going to do?"

The story that grabbed our attention and made us think this and discuss this was of course Kenya. As the number of stories increased and the nature of those stories worsened from the initial "a few killed in protests" kind of stories to the "church burnt down as people took refuge, over half those dead were children" kind of stories, we felt we had to try to do something.

Following my fling with Burma (I try to keep up with developments - or the lack there of - but as predicted at the time, it is hard), I am on the mailing list for www.avaaz.org and they tend to be pretty good at telling me what I should be doing about any given conflict. I couldn't find anything on their website but the next day they sent out this link and offered advice on how to help.

At this point, that advice is to write to your foreign minister (the link makes this very easy for you, only a very few clicks of buttons) urging them to avoid recognising the newly "elected" government in Kenya until an independent review has been carried out. Premature recognition of the government would make it much harder for a new election to be held and the situation defused.

It doesn't feel like much at all but perhaps it is what is needed at this point?!

Entertainment?

A couple of years ago, in the months leading up to our departure from the UK, Husbink and I watched "The Constant Gardener". The effect of this film upon us was to cling onto each other at the end and promise to never, ever let go.
Last night, we watched Hotel Rwanda. The effect of this film? Well, besides that fact that I was so involved in and so overcome by the film that I felt like throwing up for a good few hours after, the ultimate effect was realising just how rubbish we humans can be. More specifically, how rubbish I can be.
I sat watching it thinking "if I had known, if I had been able to do anything at the age of 14, if anything like this was happening now and I knew about it, nothing, NOTHING, would stop me trying to fix it". Hello? Brain? Have you not been watching the news these past few years, have you not realised how much you have forgotten about areas of the world where this and similar "problems" still occur?
Which brings us back to the point of several months ago and the "what can I do about Burma?" question. I have less answers - and more sadly less questions - now than I did when I last posted about this.

Last week in our home group, we invited two older members of the church to come and help us establish our spiritual gifts and what they might mean for our lives (Husbink is the oldest member of our group and the youngest is, I think, 19 so it was new to some members of the group to think about this stuff).
My gifts? Teaching and exhorting.
My lowest gifts? All those practical things that tell you that someone needs practical help, that this practical thing needs doing, that this is how you do this practical thing...
Exhorting is all about helping people in their personal life - overcome problems (not in an emotional way, that comes under mercy - which apparently I'm not very good at at all), encouraging people to do the best they can, be the best they can etc etc. (Teaching is all about feeding their brains. No kidding.)
So based on that, I'm never going to be the person who sees a need and knows how to fix it, who knows how to get food parcels to orphans or medicine to disaster victims. I'm only too happy to help, but someone is going to have to tell me to help and tell me how to help. I'm very good at buying food for the food bank and putting it in the food bank box - but not until someone told me to do it and told me what kinds of foods were actually useful.
In many ways, it is comforting to be able to think "I'm not made like that" because I do spend a lot of time beating myself up about why I'm not like that. However, in many ways, it is frustrating to realise that this question may well keep coming back to me - what can I do and why can't I answer "what can I do"?
I guess I just have to find ways of making my far more airy-fairy personality useful. While I work that out, if those practical friends out there could tel me what to do and how to do it when it comes to being useful, I'd be very grateful.

We have a Date. Again.

On Monday we went to the travel agent. I cried on the way there and then had to keep walking out of the office to not embarrass myself too hugely with my blubbing while there. We fortunately had a very understanding travel agent.

We leave here on Feb 5th (sorry Ruthing) and, after a few days in Sydney and Singapore, arrive home in the very wee small hours of Feb 10th. And then? Who knows!

Now that we actually have the flights, I'm a lot less emotional. For a little while anyway. I suspect the next few months are going to be rather punctuated with teary moments!

What is very good is that before we had managed to book our flights, some friends here had booked their flights for a three month jaunt round Europe next Aug-Oct, so at least it isn't saying goodbye to everyone all at once...

I guess what is harder about leaving here is that we don't know that we will come back. Most likely, we will come back for visits at least but we don't know. Leaving England, although it was sad to say goodbye to people, we knew (horrific accidents and so on aside) that we would go back and we would see them again. This time, I guess that is a little more unknown.

But I'm chatting with my parents and despite the horribly early start they will have to make, they will be meeting us at the airport. That will be good. :)

(In other news...only a few days of Movember left! Hurrah! I managed to declare a few days ago that Husbink's mo was ok...as long as it wasn't beneath his nose...)

New Experiences

This last not-yet-quite-eighteen-months has contained many new experiences for me. Some entirely new some "variations on a theme" kind of new.
This week has contained a few new experiences all its own.
On Tuesday night, Husbink and I went to HangDog, our local indoor climbing wall place with some friends. Husbink decided a while back that, since we are both of a competitive nature and don't tend to take kindly to the other one offering advice on how best to do things, it would be good to do something together that we were both really bad at and could thus be all chilled out about. He decided that climbing was that thing. A number of our friends go climbing quite often and had been asking us for a while to go. I had been resisting, which is odd as I always wanted to climb when I was a child, but finally decided I should stop being a big girl's blouse and get on with it. The first time up the "easy" wall I completely froze about half way up. I looked down to find out if it was the height which was bothering me. It wasn't. I don't actually know what was so freaky but I couldn't go any further and came down defeated. The next time I made it a little higher but still not to the top. Finally on my third attempt, I beat that wall! I then went on to climb another (actually easier) wall and back to the first one to finish. After the initial terror, I loved it and will be going again soon.
My second new experience was an entirely unpleasant one. I am supervising exams again this year and have done six sessions this week. This afternoon, for the first time, someone cheated in one of my exams. I strongly suspect it wasn't intentional (having prohibited items at the desk) but I still had to file a report and get the person in question to sign it at the end. I don't think it would be overly professional to go into more detail than that (I'm not sure why, probably from having a doctor for a husband and having worked in various confidential roles in the past, I think I'm very sensitive to that sort of thing now) but it was just all a bit weird and yuck and hmm and things.
What new thing have you done this week?
I also desparately wanted to correct another candidate's spelling but clearly had to resist.

Right now, it's no fun

Actually, that isn't true, a lot of things are a lot of fun at the moment but there are some big loomers that are less fun.
I don't really want to leave New Zealand. I'm well up for going back to the UK for a holiday, seeing all the people I miss, having a proper pint, going to Tesco and Boots, seeing more people...
But I'm so much not ready to live there again. Or rather, to not live here. And this is even the time of year that I most find it odd here (both the Christmas without family and friends and the light warm Christmas too).
But, I know that we have to go and that we are going and thus I can't be so involved or interested in things here any more. There is quite a lot going on at our church at the moment and I don't feel I can express an opinion - and perhaps don't even feel an opinion because very soon it is going to be so irrelevant to us. And what about friends here? Should I cram in as much time as possible with them or should I start cutting ties so that leaving is less painful?
Generally, I just feel highly in limbo, not one place nor the other, not wanting one place or the other. And it isn't so much fun.
So, one thing led to another and I found myself hunting on YouTube for this...and now I feel a lot better.

Feeling Helpless

Yesterday, I received an email with this link to sign a petition regarding the horrific events of the past few days and weeks in Burma as the ruling military junta have attacked, killed or imprisoned many, many peaceful monks and protesters. The aim of the petition is really focussed on China, as a major force in Burma and one that perhaps does not want things to change there. (I don't claim to know very much at all, please look at the link and other sources rather than taking what I say as fact.)
Burma has been a "situation" that has blipped on and off my radar a number of times over the past 5-10 years. I think I first became aware of the situation through a talk at some women's event or other about the example set by Aung San Suu Kyi and every once in a while, something comes up that reminds me of the situation and that, for them nothing has changed.
After signing the petition yesterday, I sat here feeling useless. What on earth can I do for these people other than sign some petition that yes, is going to be delivered to some UN bod, and yes, has now almost 480,000 signatures (that is around 150000 signatures since I signed sometime less than 24 hours ago). I can join marches, I can protest (I have not protested for anything before but I have found that there is a local protest on Saturday), I can pray, but can I really do anything?
In the case of natural disasters and the like, although I mostly don't do anything, I always feel I can, or rather could. I could send money, food, clothes, whatever the need was...it feels like something can be done. Against something like this, it just feels such a world away in terms of knowledge, experience, abilities...
I went onto the BBC website this morning to read more, see if there was anymore news, see if I could understand anymore. There was nothing on the front page. I did track down heaps on information eventually (after a couple of wrong guesses at where Burma would be bracketed in the BBC's global chunks - falling on the border between their South Asia pages and their Asia-Pacific pages (the second one having the more information)).
When it comes down to it, petitions (there is lots more information out there about other petitions, ways of making your voice heard etc etc), rallies and prayers are probably all I can offer in this instance so I shall have to do my best with all of them.

Blogging in my head

Over the past week while I have been quiet on here, I have written heaps of blogs in my head. They were incredibly entertaining, showing masterful wit, inspiring, heart warming pieces. Of course, you'll have to take my word for it because I never got the chance to write them down and one by one they were driven from my mind...
Ah well. I've finished at the prison now. I've got a cold. (But not as badly as many people round here have had it.) Generally I feel a bit mushy.
And I'm looking through pictures on facebook of a friend's wedding. Well, I guess a friend of a friend. We were in the same "group" at school but were never quite friends in our own right. It is odd looking through the pics in that whole "here are people I was friends with now I'm not really and yet there they all are" way. Which is something that facebook does a lot. Shows me heaps of people that were at one point important in my life to varying degrees and yet now I have nothing to do with them except this little facebook string. Mostly this just produces an "oh right" kind of feeling in me. It is nice to see what people are up to, that they are doing well, whatever, but that is about as far as it goes. I'm not really saddened that we aren't friends any more and thus I'm not jubilant that we have this way of becoming friends again. But I'm not horrified either.
But there are one or two that this fake contact with really saddens me. The friends that I never understood why we lost touch anyway. Facebook doesn't seem to have provided the way back in those cases. Yes, we are "friends" according to facebook but there is no renewed communication or any other sign of actual friends. And it makes me feel really yucky though I'm not sure I can describe it any more eloquently than "yucky". Certainly a little sad and a little confused but also just a mush of undefined memories that come up with thinking about these people. And as they are mainly teenage memories there is a whole heap fo angsty yuck that I haven't really felt in years.
There is a plus side, there are a few people who I'd lost touch with through no good reason that facebook has made a difference too. A couple of friends who really are friends again now and that is great. And a couple of people that I hadn't lost touch with but we hadn't found the best way to communicate over all these thousands of kilometres and facebook seems to have provided that method.
In other news, we had a lunar eclipse last night. Except it was very cloudy. Hey ho.

Sad

Today I had an email from a friend, let's call her Cherry, who I went to secondary and sixth form with to tell me that our head of year from secondary days, Ms Webster, died earlier this week.
I haven't seen Ms Webster for at least six years, probably seven and so in some ways it feels kind of wrong to be sad about her death. Ms Webster lived round the corner from my parents for a number of years and so I did know her slightly more than the average teacher - she used to drive my saxophone to school for me having seen just how alarming it looked in a bike basket! Cherry and I also had an evening drinking champagne with Ms Webster to celebrate our A Level results (two years after she had ceased to be our teacher and about six months after we had reached legal drinking age - never fear!). She was an incredibly encouraging woman, keen to ensure everyone did their best. I think probably the time I valued her most was during one of my spells of unofficial agony aunt/counsellor to a number of people...normally, these agony aunt times were teenage angst and love life, but in one particular instance I was ending up rather out of my depth with half-tales of abuse and so on. Ms Webster found out about it all and helped us through as much as was in her power, arranging proper counselling and so on.
I've just spent some time googling her to see what I could find out - she had become a deputy head of the school and was still teaching geography & humanities. (I also then had a bit of a browse through which teachers were still there in general - which provided me with a few smiles and a few sighs.)
My mum is going to go to the funeral on my behalf along with Cherry, her mum and another friend on Saturday.
As I understand it, she was not known to have been ill prior to collapsing on Tuesday so it must be a huge shock to those in her classes currently.
Another instance that reminds me how very blessed I have been - as yet, the only really close encounter with death I've had has been my dog. And that was pretty harrowing. People have died at this sort of removed state - someone who was my adopted grandmother while we were in the states died when we'd been back in England about five years; a guy I went to youth group with died when I'd not seen him for four years; and so on. Having a hope in heaven, I am not scared of death but I am scard of missing people. And of not having said all the things I should have said, appreciated people enough, scared of regret.
Sigh.