Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Entertainment?

A couple of years ago, in the months leading up to our departure from the UK, Husbink and I watched "The Constant Gardener". The effect of this film upon us was to cling onto each other at the end and promise to never, ever let go.
Last night, we watched Hotel Rwanda. The effect of this film? Well, besides that fact that I was so involved in and so overcome by the film that I felt like throwing up for a good few hours after, the ultimate effect was realising just how rubbish we humans can be. More specifically, how rubbish I can be.
I sat watching it thinking "if I had known, if I had been able to do anything at the age of 14, if anything like this was happening now and I knew about it, nothing, NOTHING, would stop me trying to fix it". Hello? Brain? Have you not been watching the news these past few years, have you not realised how much you have forgotten about areas of the world where this and similar "problems" still occur?
Which brings us back to the point of several months ago and the "what can I do about Burma?" question. I have less answers - and more sadly less questions - now than I did when I last posted about this.

Last week in our home group, we invited two older members of the church to come and help us establish our spiritual gifts and what they might mean for our lives (Husbink is the oldest member of our group and the youngest is, I think, 19 so it was new to some members of the group to think about this stuff).
My gifts? Teaching and exhorting.
My lowest gifts? All those practical things that tell you that someone needs practical help, that this practical thing needs doing, that this is how you do this practical thing...
Exhorting is all about helping people in their personal life - overcome problems (not in an emotional way, that comes under mercy - which apparently I'm not very good at at all), encouraging people to do the best they can, be the best they can etc etc. (Teaching is all about feeding their brains. No kidding.)
So based on that, I'm never going to be the person who sees a need and knows how to fix it, who knows how to get food parcels to orphans or medicine to disaster victims. I'm only too happy to help, but someone is going to have to tell me to help and tell me how to help. I'm very good at buying food for the food bank and putting it in the food bank box - but not until someone told me to do it and told me what kinds of foods were actually useful.
In many ways, it is comforting to be able to think "I'm not made like that" because I do spend a lot of time beating myself up about why I'm not like that. However, in many ways, it is frustrating to realise that this question may well keep coming back to me - what can I do and why can't I answer "what can I do"?
I guess I just have to find ways of making my far more airy-fairy personality useful. While I work that out, if those practical friends out there could tel me what to do and how to do it when it comes to being useful, I'd be very grateful.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hotel Rwanda was like a slap in the face, and heart. How could I have been so blind? I was older than you and could have been doing something, anything.

But then I had this depressing feeling that I wouldn't have, that I'm a spectator to the cruelties of the world, and I do nothing because it all seems to overwhelming and where would I start?

I give money to various charities but it feels like a gesture, something to appease my conscience. I want someone to tell me/show me how I can directly help African people.

Mad Medea said...

I studied the events of the Rwandan genocide when I took my MA - my random module on national identity was my most interesting. I can't say my sight line landed further than my little universe until about 21/22. And still I find it hard to do much - I'd love to know what my spiritual gifts are.

For those of you who haven't seen it and fancy a film that exercises your moral compass rather than just horrifies - try Munich.

R.xx

AdventuringJen said...

Pom - Maybe we should go on a mission to find the person who can tell us how to actually do something useful. And I agree, giving money does feel like it is an conscience appeaser, not like you are DOING something...
MM - Yes. :) I remember being affected by things as a teenager but I remember the summer when I was 20 (maybe 21) and I thought the world was suddenly so much orse than it had ever been, but I'd just realised.