Friday, January 26, 2007

Sad

Today I had an email from a friend, let's call her Cherry, who I went to secondary and sixth form with to tell me that our head of year from secondary days, Ms Webster, died earlier this week.
I haven't seen Ms Webster for at least six years, probably seven and so in some ways it feels kind of wrong to be sad about her death. Ms Webster lived round the corner from my parents for a number of years and so I did know her slightly more than the average teacher - she used to drive my saxophone to school for me having seen just how alarming it looked in a bike basket! Cherry and I also had an evening drinking champagne with Ms Webster to celebrate our A Level results (two years after she had ceased to be our teacher and about six months after we had reached legal drinking age - never fear!). She was an incredibly encouraging woman, keen to ensure everyone did their best. I think probably the time I valued her most was during one of my spells of unofficial agony aunt/counsellor to a number of people...normally, these agony aunt times were teenage angst and love life, but in one particular instance I was ending up rather out of my depth with half-tales of abuse and so on. Ms Webster found out about it all and helped us through as much as was in her power, arranging proper counselling and so on.
I've just spent some time googling her to see what I could find out - she had become a deputy head of the school and was still teaching geography & humanities. (I also then had a bit of a browse through which teachers were still there in general - which provided me with a few smiles and a few sighs.)
My mum is going to go to the funeral on my behalf along with Cherry, her mum and another friend on Saturday.
As I understand it, she was not known to have been ill prior to collapsing on Tuesday so it must be a huge shock to those in her classes currently.
Another instance that reminds me how very blessed I have been - as yet, the only really close encounter with death I've had has been my dog. And that was pretty harrowing. People have died at this sort of removed state - someone who was my adopted grandmother while we were in the states died when we'd been back in England about five years; a guy I went to youth group with died when I'd not seen him for four years; and so on. Having a hope in heaven, I am not scared of death but I am scard of missing people. And of not having said all the things I should have said, appreciated people enough, scared of regret.
Sigh.

3 comments:

Mad Medea said...

Sorry to hear your sad news. Death one removed is always a little odd to deal with. You feel sad, but you're not sure how much you have the right to be sad - but you can't help how you feel.

I still have misty moments about my Mr Harris. The teacher who had supported me all through school when I was dealing with CFS and the non-understanding powers that be. He was my form tutor in year 7 and my inspiration to study religious studies. He died suddenly in my first year of A-levels.

Whenever I see the Karate Kid I think of him (he used it to teach Buddhism and he looked like Mr. Miyagi).

MMxx

doctor/woman said...

sorry you're sad. as mm says - is weird not feeling you have right to be sad when someone dies who has had a big impact on you but maybe you didn't on them. the vicar who married us died suddenly about a year ago and he was only in his 50s. made me sad because he was so lovely to us and kind and passionate about God and life. but he probably didn't even remeber who we were by that time.

also weird is when someone dies and you feel you should be sad but you're not really, eg elderly relatives who you never see and you know they are ill/ in pain etc.

Anyway, intercontinental hugs and prayersxx

AdventuringJen said...

MM - Thanks :) Husbink has had all his favourite teachers die since he left school, he is beginning to feel he should stop liking people! It is great to get the opportunity to think about all these people though - hurrah for how great Mr Harris was for you! xxx
Doctor/woman - thanks for the hugs & prayers. Know what you mean about the reversal as well, the person you "should" feel sad about...it's hard not to end up thinking you are "mean" in those situations despite "knowing better". xxx