The Adventures of Jen

What now?

2010-09-27T15:20:00.002+01:00

Inspired by several recent returns to the blogosphere I thought I'd put my two pence worth in while Baby Boo has a nap and I have done enough housework to be allowed a "reward". (Yes, I am in fact thinking about other types of reward too...like chocolate and tea and cake...)

So life is good if a little stressful. We've almost bought a house. Baby Boo has learnt how to sleep through the night about 85% of the time. Husbink has a horrible commute but at one end of it a job he enjoys and at the other me and Baby Boo...what more could a man want?!

I have started doing a few things that tax my brain a little teeny tiny bit (there still isn't much brain to tax) and life has some sort of consistency and balance to it. Things are good.

Which always begs the question, what next? Nothing stays the same for long, especially not with a ten month old, but who knows what is coming round the next corner? Sometimes I feel like the title of this blog should change but instead I think it far better to view everything as an adventure rather than just the far flung variety...

Thank You...

2010-05-08T14:46:00.003+01:00

...to the ladies in Morrisons who took pity on me/Baby-boo last Friday and packed my shopping for me while I bounced Lord Sadness. We could've managed but it was really nice to not have to.

There was going to be more but someone'swoken up...

Firsts

2010-04-20T09:43:00.003+01:00

As you may know or imagine, a mother's life is full of firsts. Some good - first smile, first roll, first step, first word... Some bad - first cold, first injection, first projectile poo... And in our household, you won't be surprised to hear that there are a number of silly firsts to be celebrated too. Take the Sunday evening just gone.

It was bathtime for Baby-boo. Husbink was getting the water ready and I was getting Baby-boo undressed. I was ahead of Husbink and so ended up cuddling Baby-boo to keep him warm while we waited for the water (he still had a nappy on, I'm not a total idiot and getting piddled/pooed over would not have been a first). Baby-boo was facing over my shoulder, watching Husbink.

Husbink burped. (This was not a first either.) Baby-boo laughed. And laughed. And laughed. That's right, this was the first time Baby-boo realised that burps (and presumably farts) were funny. Clearly it is wired into little boys! This was also the first time that Baby-boo had laughed so much he made himself sick.

The effect of all this though is that Baby-boo does seem to have found his laugh a little more - he's giggled off and on for a while now but it has always taken quite a lot of effort by us to get the laugh out and it has only lasted a few seconds - he seemed to shock himself with it and shut up. Now he's quite confident of his laugh and giggled his was through baby yoga yesterday morning and found "mummy's crazy hair" very funny yesterday afternoon...

Adventures in Absence

2010-04-05T10:42:00.006+01:00

Last week, I left Baby-boo. Twice! Goodness!

On Tuesday afternoon, Husbink had some time off revision and had a play with Baby-boo then a walk while I had my hair cut. :) Yay! When I met up with the men-folk afterwards, everyone was very happy. Baby-boo was so happy that he even agreed to just sit on my knee in Costa and Not Have A Boobie. This is still something of an event in my life. Quite often, he'll forget about eating if he's with someone else and being entertained but once he's with me it's boobie, boobie, boobie all the way.

After Costa, we went to Mothercare and spent yet more money on the little chap including getting him a Bumbo. A special seat thingy that helps with posture blahblahblah. We just got it because my back was starting to die with Baby-boo's continual desire to sit up...while not being able to sit up...

Then on Wednesday night I got Baby-boo to bed just after 7pm and went out to home group as they were having a Passover meal. It was very interesting - following the traditional Passover celebration then a lovely big meal followed by a final prayer and response. Really interesting in it's own right and also a really good non-baby thing. I even managed to do non-baby conversation at points.

The weekend has involved lots of adventures for Baby-boo as my parents have been here. He's had lots of play time as well as several cafe opportunities. He's been to an art gallery and, although I missed this bit, he has smiled at portraits that smiled at him. He's also been to Lotherton Hall to see lots of birdies. Perhaps a little overwhelming when he's not really seen normal birds much to be presented with some fairly wacky ones. It's all meant a lot of sleeps as, as my Grannie would say, it's so tiring enjoying yourself!

"A lovely mummy-shape"

2010-03-25T08:20:00.003Z

The other day I did a very swift bit of clothes shopping with Husbink and Baby-boo in tow. I'm pretty bored of my maternity clothes but there's no way my pre=pregnancy clothes are fitting me. probably ever. Anyway.
I'd been feeling pretty good in my skin for a bit so was a little too enthusiastic over what size was going to fit me, going for only one and a half (I used to be between sizes) sizes larger than pre-pregnancy...so then i had to "upgrade" everything I took in...
When trying on one shirt in the larger size, Husbink was trying to encourage me that I kooked good and in the process uttered the title of this post:

You're a lovely mummy shape now. You look great...but if you want to go back to before it's going to take serious effort...

The thing is, I didn't take a neurotic female response to this. I heard the "you're a lovely mummy shape" and enjoyed it instead of turning ound and saying "you calling me fat?" I've never been too awful on the physical self image front in that I've just not been that bothered(come on, you've seen my hair...) but it did just make it obvious to me that what I require now is not ego-boosting on the physical but ego-boosting on the mummy skills. I regularly have to point out to Husbink that I need my kudos now...for looking after Baby-boo, managing to get dressed, feeding all of us, getting a load of washing done, a little bit of washing up...whatever it might be... The goals in life have definitely changed. On the one hand they seem kind of miniscule - well done for getting up - on the other hand they are huge - well done for keeping Baby-boo alive and happy...

Pregnancy Hair

2010-03-04T17:50:00.003Z

Pregnancy hair was one of the nicest things about pregnancy. So full, so soft, so much not needing washing ever...
It kindly lasts a few months after the birth...the not needing washing bit being particularly helpful!
Sadly, it is now at an end. My hair comes out in big handfuls and gets EVERYWHERE. I keep having to extract strands from Baby-boo's mouth. It makes showering a very lengthy process as I keep having to deal with all the hair tangled up in my fingers.
And now my hair is GRUMPY. and wants washing more than once a day. Which is doesn't get. I'm not getting enough sleep yet for a shower every day.
No fair.
(Thanks, I just needed to whinge about something not all that serious.)

So here's the pic of Baby-boo and the gym as promised. Action shot. Fuzzy...

Which post am I going to write?

2010-02-26T13:22:00.003Z

I've had a number of posts going round my head since I last managed to write but never got here. Now I have the time and wanted to say hello but...I don't remember any of the things I wanted to say!

Baby-boo is currently sleeping. This is still something of a novelty. He doesn't really believe in sleep. Our nights are improving a little (I'm up to about 6 hours a night on a good night now) but mostly during the day he's wide awake. The health visitor has told me that he simply isn't getting enough sleep and I must force sleep on him by taking him for long drives or long walks in the pram as the more he sleeps during the day the more he'll sleep at night (well, not quite. If he slept ALL day...but it does seem to be true that the days he manages a good nap are often the better nights, certainly they are no worse). So I went to a prayer meeting this morning for Messy Church which our church is starting next Saturday (aside:please click the "our church" link even if you don't look at the site - it is a new site and struggling to make its way up the google rankings etc so needs lots of hits!). There were only three of us there but it was very good ot go and pray and get re-excited about something that I was very excited about pre-Baby-Boo and am indeed leading a craft table at but have given no real thought or preparation to etc etc...

At the end Wonderful Mary (she's always been Lovely Mary but now she will be Wonderful Mary forever) got Baby-Boo to sleep. She worked on the children's ward at the hospital for years (play therapy or something) and said "oooh, this used to work" and it did. Then we got him into his car seat without more than a minor complaint and I drove the long way home thinking at least he'd get half an hour...

I've been home nearly an hour and he's still asleep. As he's in his car seat I can't leave him and sleep myself but I have managed a peaceful lunch, hanging some washing up and now pootling on 'puter without distraction. I'll have to get him up soon but...

So to finish, this is Baby-boo a week or so ago with his then favourite toy, his kick piano. He loves kicking and he loves music it was a great combo. But already he is showing signs of being slightly bored and other toys are gaining preference. The gym which Mad Medea and Hubland gave him is starting to really come into its own...

(Oh, and catching smiles on camera...blooming impossible!)

One handed blogging

2010-02-05T12:39:00.002Z

(no capitals...)
baby-boo iscurrently asleep on me. not something i usually encourage but he's so utterly gorgeous today i can't put him down...combined with having been such a good boy since his first injections yesterday...
that really was a horrible experience for me though - having to hold him while pain was inflicted on him - twice...
Right, now I have two hands...he was so totally zonked out I thought I'd try putting him down (usually doesn't work all that well...) and he's stayed asleep long enough for me to have a sandwich so I thought I'd return to this.
I don't really have anything to say. Although we are starting to come back to life/sanity/whatever, all I do really is feed and change nappies and try to get some sleep. Feeding can be lovely but is also very, very hard. Changing nappies can actually be a lot of fun, Baby-Boo is often at his happiest when able to kick about on the changing mat. Trying to get sleep...can be exciting when it works (bed time has been fairly consistent this week, before 11.30. Very exciting for me who used to like to be in bed not very much after 10...) and can be soul destroying when it doesn't (and you have no idea why because as far as you can tell everything is exactly as it was yesterday.)
So, like I say, not much to say here but I thought having made an effort to blog again, I'd try to keep it up.
I shall do more pics soon. And perhaps one day I'll post the "birth story" not particularly because you want to read it but because it might be nice to write it.

Better late than never...

2010-02-02T15:58:00.007Z

That title applies to the arrival of our beautiful baby boy as well as to the arrival of this blog post.

Baby-Boo is currently asleep on me in his sling and my back is beginning to give up (plus I want to see if I can get him down stil asleep so I can sleep too...) so this is again a very quick post but so overdue I couldn't leave it any longer...

So Baby-Boo was born on December 3rd at 21:36 by sort-of-emergency caesarean. He's doing very well now. He lost a lot of weight at first but once he got the hang of eating, he hasn't really stopped. He's piling on the pounds now but is still a relatively petit chap, compared to most of his friends anyway.

So, all you really want is pictures so you don't mind I'm not writing much more, right? I've only uploaded one camera so far and don't have the absolute cutest, cutest pictures here but for starters...they are me and Baby-Boo when we first met, Baby-Boo at about three weeks old and Baby-Boo and Husbink at six weeks. :) More, umm, soon, umm, ish...

Just a high speed update...

2009-11-23T13:52:00.002Z

...cos I need to be napping!
I went back into hospital again on Wednesday morning with wriggle-bottom's head out of place again and have just come home this morning. It has been very stressful because I just kept being told different things and different midwives/doctors had different levels of paranoia. So at one point it was a c-section on Friday, then Monday, then an induction in theatre in case of emergency, then waiting for it to happen naturally but in hospital in case of emergency...now home!
I didn't really cope very well with getting sent home today because of having been told so many different things but I'm here now which is really good. I'd like about 24 hours to unwind and get a decent sleep and then I'd really, REALLY like to go into labour! (And it would be kind of cool to go into labour while really wanting it rather than being terrified of it, don't you think?)
Hope you are all well. Thanks for the comments on the last post :) I'm really hoping that the next post will contain pictures of my son!

I Want...

2009-11-16T17:44:00.002Z

To Sleep On My Back
A Nice Big Glass Of Wine
Pate. Any sort really.
Brie. In the same meal as the pate. Or not. Anytime really. In a baguette, with bacon and cranberry sauce. On its own. With the wine...
Soft Boiled Eggs. Soft Poached Eggs. Sloppy Scrambled Eggs.
A Proper Hug From Husbink. Currently, I have to stand side-on and lean, otherwise I can't actually reach him.
To Get Out of Bed Without Groaning
To Get Out of Bed Without My Hips Popping
To Be Able to Walk My Normal Speed/Distance
A Large Peanut Butter Sandwich. Or six.
An End To The Braxton Hicks. Who thought they were a good idea? "Is it labour? Is It labour now? What about now? That's three hours at 20 minute intervals...are we heading somewhere? Oh, no, they've stopped now..."
Most of all, more than any of the other things, more than anything at all ever, I want my baby. I want to hold him, not carry him in my tummy. I want to see his face, not imagine it. I want to tickle his toes, not my tummy where his toes are.

It hasn't been the best of weeks. I spent Wednesday-Friday in hospital because my baby's just too active and won't keep his head down. He was manipulated into position on Thursday morning (fortunately, he was at that point only about three inches away from position so it wasn't a full turn. Still really rather painful and my tummy muscles are only just recovering now. At least they are mostly recovered, I figure going into labour with already sore muscles probably isn't the best.) and managed to stay there until Friday afternoon so I was allowed home. (Actually, there was one fun thing, I've been scanned quite a lot and in one of them they managed to get some pictures of his face. Ok, they don't give much idea of him, but I can sort of look at my baby now.) We went in again on Sunday because he'd shifted a bit, but this time perhaps only half an inch and so following a scan, it was home again. Today, he seems to have stayed still but I still had to ring labour ward with some questions I forgot to ask on Friday or Sunday. It made me feel like a fruitloop. Now I just have to get through tomorrow and I get to see my midwife again on Wednesday. I just want my baby. I want him to be well and safe and in my arms. Everyone due ahead of me (that I know, clearly, not in all the world) has had their babies now (which includes my absolutely gorgeous nephew. I went and bought him extra presents today cos...umm...I wanted to...) so It Is My Turn. Now please. Baby please. Now. Thank you :)

Final Flings

2009-10-31T18:26:00.002Z

Last night, with much apprehension on my part, we drove to Newcastle for the evening to see Mr Eddie Izzard in his new stand up show, Stripped.
We bought the tickets oooh, about nine months ago... I'd been umming and ahhing for ages about whether to sell them. We even had someone prepared to buy them right up to the day before if things should happen. I'd been keen, then I wasn't keen, then I realised how keen Husbink was so I was keen again then all the migraines and bad weekends and all the rest of it happened (I may not have blogged about that...in a nutshell, my lovely smooth pregnancy got a little less fun and every weekend got ruined for a while with one bout of illness or another. I was unimpressed and it also made me feel a lot like giving up and just hibernating until he comes out.). So I was pretty much sure that we shouldn't go and wouldn't go and that it would be a really bad plan to go.
Part of the reason that I thought it would be a really bad plan was because Husbink had been on nights all week and so neither of us would be really up for heaps of driving. However, Husbink got a better sleep at work than I did at home on Thursday night and so...I was persuaded.
I'm glad we went, I'm glad we didn't give up and get tied to home before we really had to. We took my hospital bag in the car so that I didn't have to worry and we went. It was fun. We saw the last night of the Sexie tour so this was pretty much as close to back-to-back shows as possible - six years apart. I couldn't enjoy it as much because my bump isn't all that keen on uncontrolable laughter and when you have to stop yourself from finding things funny...
Anyway, this isn't meant to be a review of Mr Izzard (though it is tempting, it was very good in places, slightly off-on-one in others and for me a little sad in others - but overall very good, I've chuckled to myself quite a bit today); this is meant to be about final flings.
Husbink and I are living in hope that we are going to find the time to go out for dinner and have a real date thingy before we become three. We are hoping that we will find time for enjoying each others company (in amongst the getting-the-house-ready and Husbink starting to revise again stuff). But who knows? It could be tomorrow. It could be another five weeks. But I'm glad we went last night. I'm totally wiped out today, but I'm glad we went.

A really weird coincidence...

2009-10-22T10:52:00.003+01:00

A lot of the time at the moment, I can feel the little one wriggling around in my tummy. He's a busy lad and whenever the midwife says "is he moving ten times a day?" I just laugh - he's often done at least half of his quota before I get out of bed...
I can't however guarantee what is going to make him move (though Husbink's hand on my belly often makes him stop...he's showing signs of being a little difficult!) but there is one thing that I'm sure is just coincidence but it has happened too many times now and is frankly a little weird...
My ankles have a bit of a tendency to lock (they always have done, or for years at least, this isn't a special pregnancy issue like all the others I could witter on about) and I have to strain a little and make them crack.
And he jumps. Not just after the crack but as they crack, he jumps. He can be totally still, having a little rest but an ankle crack equals a jump. He'll then go back to sleep. My elbows click but he doesn't jump for them. Just my ankles. Crack-jump.
It has to be coincidence but it's happened so much and it is really rather bizarre!

It's a miracle!

2009-10-14T11:02:00.002+01:00

So.
I used to have lots of trouble with my hands when we lived in Leeds. Lots of trouble with dry skin, cracked, bleeding, ow... Mostly I blamed this on the OCD at the time.
We left Leeds, the OCD got better and so did my hands.
After a few years we moved back to the same lovely county and the same lovely water board. And my hands.....OUCH! For the past year and a bit they have been getting worse and worse. I concluded pregnancy wasn't helping. But all it takes is a few days away from here at my parents' or even better at Husbink's. My hands clear up amazingly quickly.
I'd pretty much given up on the hope of them getting better while we lived here and just resorted to using a huge amount of handcream day and night.
Two days ago, I ran out of soap in the bathroom and found a random bar of moisturising soap in the drawer. It is a miracle! Yesterday and the day before I forgot to put handcream on during the day and my hands were only really dry at bed time rather than destroyed. At the moment, there are just a few little patches that aren't quite supple...
I've used various different soaps while we've lived here (it all comes down to what is on offer, right?) and various different degrees of super-moisturising handcream but nothing has worked like this! Woop! I am no longer in danger of bleeding on people's tablecloths (this happened at a student's house last year).
Ok, not the most exciting post in the world but one of the most exciting developments for me!

Running a Marathon at 34 Weeks Pregnant

2009-10-13T10:56:00.003+01:00

I was at the starting line...I was running faster than my really rather sporty cousin...I was halfway through and it was getting dark...I stopped to go to the loo and got lost...I never quite finished...

So I'm having a lot of weird dreams at the moment! Many of them I can't remember when I wake up, I'm just left with the emotion (to be honest, it is usually a yucky/stressed/upset feeling...) and then perhaps later in the day I'll get snippets of it (like the dream with someone telling me that if I was going to drink during pregnancy it was better to have a proper glass of wine than the occasional sip of Husbink's whiskey/beer and that the occasional sip would probably kill the baby...) and then I'll understand why I've been so upset...

So it was kind of nice the other morning to wake up the other morning having just had a fairly straight forward crazy dream like I'm used to. I always dream a lot. I always remember my dreams. They are often fairly entertaining (for me anyway...) The most confusing part of the marathon running dream wasn't that I was managing a marathon with this huge belly...it was that I was already pregnant for the second time...so I had my current baby at 34 weeks and baby number two was at about 12 weeks at the same time...clearly my dream had gone a little sci-fi/fantasy at this point!

Ah well, back to the real world of Bargain Hunt, Home & Away, Diagnosis Murder and making very good use of BT Vision...

Keeping up with the news...

2009-10-02T16:02:00.001+01:00

It's been one of those weeks.
Story after story knocking the previous one off the "top spot".
Sometimes, it feels like news hangs around too long, a story is dragged out and we know every tiny detail possible and that can really be pretty yucky.
This week however it seems like we've been rushed, one thing to the next and what was the top story may not even feature in the next bulletin.
Particularly it was the Philippines that made me feel that. Lots of devastation, lots of need, lots of horribleness and then it was totally gone from the news - not just from the headlines but the whole news as first the tsunami and then the other earthquakes took over. And then the distinctly unsavoury more local news.
So what is my point? I don't know. I "felt bad" that the Philippines were being forgotten. I "felt bad" that they weren't getting the attention any more. But is it right or wrong? Or neither? I find the obsession that comes with some stories far worse because it doesn't seem to be healthy or helpful but in this case I feel that if the headlines are gone too quickly then will people be less likely to give money or time or whatever to helping.
Since being nasty to the Oxfam man, I've been thinking a lot and wondering a lot about what the nation as a whole does in terms of giving time and money to whatever cause it might be. Do "chuggings" (have you heard of that? can't remember where I heard it, "charity muggings" - the ones who stop you in the street) or door knockers stand the only chance of getting donations from most people? Or what about the often horrendous NSPCC adverts? Do people need to be properly shocked?
I wasn't intending to start going into that yet as I'm still pondering. Hmm...

Husbink and the Sunglasses

2009-09-30T11:43:00.002+01:00

Once upon a time, Husbink had some sunglasses. Then one of the arms fell off so he got a second pair while keeping the first pair with a taped on arm in case of emergencies.
A short while later, the second pair started to disintegrate. I think this time it was that the lenses kept popping out.

A number of years passed and it became evident that Husbink could not hang on to a pair of sunnies for more than a year, often quite a lot less... One pair fell down a crack between rocks in NZ, another pair had again the continuously popping lenses, another pair I think got left on top of the car... It goes on.

He used to have the same problem with mobile phones though mostly that was actually just one horrendous week when he lost three phones in four days. He had to prove himself capable of keeping one before being allowed his swanky new phone!

On Monday, we went out for a nice walk and then to the designer outlet place on the edge of town. We had the camera with us from the nice walk and Husbink was carrying it. He hooked his sunnies through part of the strap and off we wandered. Back at the car about an hour later, no sunnies...it was all so familiar. The shock, the despair, the questioning, the guilt...

He had had these ones for a little over a year so I guess that is quite enough really and apparently...he never really liked them anyway!

(Apols for delay in posting, partly no brain, partly no time, partly waiting for a non-baby post to present itself!)

I was horrid to the Oxfam man...

2009-08-27T18:38:00.003+01:00

So, I'm a little slow moving but seriously, not that slow! Not yet...

I'd just finished my tea nad was reclining on the sofa in the hopes of avoiding indigestion when there was an aggressive knock at the door. To be fair, with our door knocker, it is quite hard to do anything but an aggressive knock. I pulled myself off the sofa, already wondering why I was bothering as it wasn't going to be anyone of interest and toddled towards the door. At which point it was knocked aggressively again. I picked up my keys, went into the hall, the person knocked again...

I opened the inner door while they were still fiddling with the knock, perhaps considering a fourth attempt...

On opening the door and seeing it was an Oxfam man...my irritation did not subside. It perhaps increased and I opened with "I heard you the first time". I paused briefly before continuing with "And we already support you". The man, who was not getting the hint said "Ah, but which project?" to which I replied, "I don't know, I don't really care and I'm so much not in the mood." He'd left our front yard before I shut the door.

I feel bad because he had to pull himself together from the shouting pregnant lady and move on to the next house but...I'm not exactly calm yet.

The thing is, although he riled me with his triple knocking impatience and although I generally find people at the door selling things/asking for money pretty irritating, it was actually my final customer at work today who really got me started...

Twenty minutes before I was due to leave, the phone rang. Normally a lengthy call with us is about five minutes long, ten max so I didn't fob the call off on someone else. I really should have.

It started with "My name is Mrs Blah, I'm actually really rather a regular customer in your shop." Right. Not a good start. If you are regular, you don't need to tell us, we know you. She followed it up by telling me that they live pretty much the length of the country from our store. Very regular.
However, they would be coming next week and wanted to be sure that we had everything they wanted to look at. She proceeded to give a comprehensive list and I was able to find everything she wanted. She then passed me on to her husband. How I wish I had passed the phone on too.
Foolishly, I assumed he would be as organised as her...
He began to waffle on through about half the stock we have, not specifying a colour. Or, indeed a size.
I asked him when we discussed the first garment what size he would like and he said "Hmm, it goes from S-XXL, so I imagine XL, possibly XXL." I told him we had a few in XL but XXL was harder to find and we would be unlikely to have any in but could order them for him. We moved on to the next item. Some trousers. I asked for his waist size and he suggested I was being difficult and asking questions too hard for him. I had to simply reply "ok, we've got a reasonable range of sizes, there should be something..." Back to tops. He told me an item and I said "Ah, we're a bit limited at the moment, we don't have any in in extra-large."
"Extra large? I'm not extra large! Dear me, I never said that, I would never say that."
I paused. Took a deep breath. "What size were you interested in then?"
"XL. Or possibly the one down from that. Never extra-large."

I forced myself to physically smile for the rest of the conversation. It was the only way I could hope that I sounded even vaguely interested or polite. Sadly, I will be in store when they come next week. It might of course be fun to point out what S, M, L and XL stand for...someone suggested he might've thought XL meant extremely luxurious...

A blog on the page is worth two in the head...

2009-08-19T20:43:00.002+01:00

You know what it's like...
You haven't blogged for a while. You've got loads of posts in your head. You've even started to write a few of them.
But it has been too long. You can't just come back with an average post now, can you? You must burst back onto the blogging scene. So every post gets analysed and checked and never finished and certainly never published.
So you wait until your brain totally disengages and you just post whatever - like I did on Friday, about the meercats... but still, a blog on the page is worth more than two in the head, right?!

I like silly things....

2009-08-14T20:50:00.002+01:00

So I've had a horrid day. Stupid horrid. Things going wrong, being frustrating, wasting my time blah blah blah.
I have been miserable and grumpy and sad and teary and emotional and horrid to Husbink and slightly loopy and...so on.
This evening, Husbink is building our new wardrobe and I have been sitting on the bed doing jobs on the computer. These jobs included quite a lot of looking at various bits of insurance and so on.
So I was going to look at gocompare.com and confused.com and...then I remembered that someone said that if you actually go to www.comparethemeerkats.com as opposed to comparing the markets...you can do just that...
I laughed. A lot. So, so much. I compared two meerkats, one from Honolulu whose hobbie was battle re-enactments and another from Bangkok who was all very arty...
I cried with laughter as I read the list of hobbies that the meerkats had and which I could choose from. Particularly, I liked "martial artistry" and "belly jiggles".
Ok, so if you spend too much time on comparethemeerkats.com, they do eventually send you to comparethemarkets.com but it's still very good silliness. Or it is when you have previously been having a horrid day.

Multitasking? Cute?

2009-08-07T14:22:00.002+01:00

So, when I was about seven, my Brownie troop had a float in the Halloween Parade in our town in New Jersey. (For those of you who haven't experienced that kind of Halloween, it is very, very different to any form of Halloween in the UK - a very family friendly occasion and just a good excuse for a family carnival.) So, we were doing Snow White. There weren't enough of us so do it on our own so we joined with another troop...which led to two Snow Whites because it couldn't be agreed who would provide one...
Anyway. I was a deer. Which was quite nice really cos the costume was warm! So, we'd been told to keep waving and smiling all the way along the parade route. I was a very good little girl, so I did. It was quite late at night though (I have no idea how late but I was very sleepy) and so there I was waving and smiling and doing everything I was told...and yawning...
The parade was always on the local TV station and as our float went past the commentary stand, this was the voiceover... "Oh my, I've just seen the cutest thing! A little deer, waving and smiling and yawning all at once!" ...and there was me, fast becoming the celebrity of the Brownie troop...
Fast forward twenty-blah years to last weekend. We were at a friend's wedding in Cambridge. It was a lovely day but pretty exhausting all that standing around (I quickly found that the miracle heels I bought for a wedding last summer that were much higher than I'd normally wear but had lovely padded soles couldn't tolerate the extra stone and a bit I weigh this year...standing around was not at all comfy (fortunately I had spare shoes that were an improvement)) and the chairs were really not all that fab either. So early evening I'm slumped in a chair, Husbink had brought me a cushion from the car and I'm kind of zoning out from proceedings. In my own little world...one had stroking bump, one hand stroking Husbink's back.
Suddenly there's a flash and I look up confused to see one of the bridesmaids smiling..."rubbing bump and hubby, so maternal, so cute!"
The pic is on facebook with a fairly similar caption...
Multitasking? Cute? ;)

Actually, I didn't.

2009-07-16T19:50:00.003+01:00

Something has been irritating me about...umm...life? Technology? People? Companies? I'm not quite sure who to blame...

Just now, I switched on the computer, got myself online and saw that my virus software was doing a big update. All well and good, I like it when it updates. This was a particularly big update but they do happen sometimes too so I was not bothered (other than that it was making everything else a little sloooow.) Until the end. When up pings the message "Thank you for choosing to download the XXXXX (virus software) toolbar." What?! I didn't. I don't like it. It gets in the way. It suggests that I was use Yahoo! to search not Google. It takes away the shiny new (ok, not very shiny or very new...) Google page that I had been getting used to whenever I opened a new tab. It generally irritates me. But when I look at whether I can delete it or shrink it or anything else, it emotionally blackmails me "With this, you are sooooo protected. Every webpage you look at is thoroughly checked by my magnificent powers of security. Nothing can possibly go wrong...while you have me!" Ok. Fine. Make my browsing experience a little more irritating and possibly a little safer but don't suggest that I chose this method and Don't Thank Me!

That being the main bit. How many times do you get unsolicited mail/email/phone calls/whatever that start with "Thank you for choosing..." this product, to support this charity, to align yourself with this political party, for recycling your nose hair..... When you did no such thing, made no such decision. Just be honest!

"Hi, This is a piece of junk mail. You don't really want it but we're sending it on the off chance that today is one of those days where you feel like reading everything that comes through the door. It is a good excuse for not doing the cooking/vacuuming/washing up/tidying that you are meant to do. It feels virtuous, reading the post, doesn't it? Well, now we have you in that frame of mind, please can we sell you something/beg for money/play on the heartstrings?

Chances are you aren't reading this so we'll just slip in a couple of insults or inappropriate jokes cos frankly, who is going to care?"

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................

Rant over. :)

Sorry for the lack of posting. This is mainly because I wanted to do that holiday post that I mentioned before but haven't been in the mood (does anyone else suffer from bursting into Glenn Miller whenever they say "in the mood"?) for it and so haven't wanted to post anything else because then the holiday post wouldn't happen...ah well...

In a total aside, and to leave things on a happy note, have you ever seen a wild puffin? If not, I thoroughly recommend it for the soul, for your well being, for good health and good cheer! I saw my very first puffins while we were on holiday in Anglesey and then we went last Friday to Bempton Cliffs RSPB reserve in East Yorkshire and saw lots more. They make me smile so very much. I must look like a loon peering through binoculars grinning madly to myself. Husbink had the camera and took lots of photos but we don't quite have a big enough zoom yet. But I think you can tell they are puffins. :)

Compulsory Annual Post

2009-06-30T15:14:00.003+01:00

So it is Wimbledon again. It seems that something happens that makes me want to blog about it each year...so here we go.

Last night I stayed up (ok, for normal people it wasn't that late but I'd been planning an early night with my book as Husbink was on nights) to watch the Murray match. Having seen at least some of all of his matches so far, I found this one really intriguing - because it felt so much more familiar.

At last, the crowd knew what they were meant to be doing. At last, there were sections that I couldn't watch. At last, I had to walk away from the TV fairly frequently - because I really did have to get other things done and couldn't fritter away the entire evening on a game of tennis.

Watching last week, Husbink and I had both felt that the crowd - including us - didn't quite know what to do with straight sets. This isn't what we are used to from "our man". We are used to agony. When Murray was simply playing fantastic shots, there were cheers, there was applause but it was slightly lacklustre. Once things started to go a little pear-shaped, we were comfortable again. We can scream and shout and cheer. Hanging our heads one minute, pulling out our hair before leaping up in triumph, pumping the air the next.

I'm always a little amazed by the British desire to support the underdog. In some instances, as with tennis matches, this is partly due to the fact that you get a better game if the underdog puts up a fight, but I think there is more to it than that. We feel like the underdog so often (which is a whole other discussion) that we support them whoever they are. When one of ours starts to do well, yes we enjoy it but we don't quite know what to do with it. The Ashes will be at their best if England scrape through. A resounding victory in each Test and we wouldn't know where to look.

I don't want to go through the trauma of the end of the fourth set last night again. I would like Murray to win each match from here on comfortably but for us the spectators, the experience might be slightly dimmed.

PS we were on holiday last week and shortly (when I have done the picture sorting thing) there will be a couple of lengthy posts...including some propaganda)

I have decided

2009-06-16T10:34:00.002+01:00

So. The journalism course. That didn't go so well. :s
BUT. In a very helpful sort of way. I'd been pondering journalism (quite a bit at Husbink's encouragement) for quite a long time and, although some of my issues with the course are with the course, I have now established that it isn't something I want to do. I'm not, umm, hmm, thing enough. I'm really not quite sure what thing is. It's not that I'm not curious enough. It's not that I'm not disciplined enough.
If anything (and this is going to sound quite dumb and like I should have known beforehand), it's just that I don't like reading magazines all that much. Meh.
So, I've paid for it, I can't have a refund, I'll still receive all the tutorials. There have been some interesting nuggets in what I've read already so I'm sure I'll read through them all at some point and that what I pick up will be useful so I'm not beating myself up over this. What I am doing is being fairly sure what it is I want to do now. Which is quite a marvel for me!
1) I want to be a mum. Well, durrrr!
2) I want to be a tutor. As I finished with my GCSE students a few weeks ago I realised just how much I enjoy tutoring. I currently have a couple of younger students (who are very hard work) and I briefly had an adult student that I may pick up with again in September. These are both good but it is actually the year 9/10/11 stage that I really enjoy. It is fun maths, easy enough for me to teach and also the bit where many people suddenly realise a flare for some part of the subject. It's great! I know I won't have any new students for a year now (probably) but I know I'll want to go back to it as soon as I can.
3) I want to make a serious go of getting one of my novels published. I will finish editing. I will do my research. I will send it off to all the right people. It may not come to anything but it is certainly not going to come to anything wasting away on my laptop semi-finished. This was the main thing that became absolutely clear from the journalism course. I love to write and I love to write what I love to read - I love to read novels, I love to write novels. I don't love to read articles, I don't love to write articles. Wish me luck!

Silly...

2009-06-11T17:15:00.002+01:00

So, lately Husbink and I have talked about names quite a lot. Obviously.
There is an abundance of names for girls that we like we we've stopped talking about them for now as it is just a case of picking one...but boys? Much harder we are finding. So hard that we've pretty much given up on sensible suggestions and are just enjoying being really, really silly.
The other morning I tried to raise the names question again, sensibly. It went ok for a while. We discussed various potential options but none that we were really taken with... Until Husbink suggested "Carl" I can't remember how it came up (oh yes, by this point we'd started listing characters from favourite TV series or films...so this was after Carl Sach in Boston Legal...having rejected Denny and Alan already). So yes. Carl. Which when you put it with our surname...(if you aren't getting it, say it a little faster ) (and apologies if you don't know our surname, this will make no sense. Hey ho.)
I was in a very silly mood by this point and it was all a bit too much. I didn't stop laughing/crying for a long, loooong time.
If it wasn't going to cause lasting psychological damage to our unborn child I would not be seriously tempted to call him Carl. If it is him.
We are not to be trusted with such serious things as naming babies!! We are also considering spelling things with their initials...oh dear...

An Excitable Pregnancy Post

2009-06-07T10:40:00.002+01:00

So I've been having lots of nerves this past week - is everything still ok after the scan? Is the baby growing ok? Heart still beating well? Etc...Etc...
So this morning I made Husbink listen to my tummy. He really, really didn't want to because he thought if he couldn't hear anything I'd just get more stressed. I assured him that wasn't possible but that maybe he could reassure me. So after some wheedling, he had a listen. Then pulled a face that really, really alarmed me before saying "do you know what? I think I can hear it!" so after a few moments of chattering, he said "can I listen again?" and this time was very confident that just by sticking his ear against my tummy, he can hear the heartbeat. Very exciting! When he gets home this evening he's going to try to get his stethoscope nicely positioned so I can hear too. :)
I do still have moments of complete confusion at the thought that there actually is a baby growing inside me. It isn't some abstract concept, there really is something in there. Crazy!

I do feel rather sorry for Mr Brown

2009-06-03T15:15:00.003+01:00

I know it isn't fashionable and I suspect it isn't sensible but I do feel really rather sorry for Gordon Brown at the moment.
I've had a soft spot for him for years and years since his baby died. (My mum wrote to him as someone who had been through the death of a baby and at that point was working for FSID (Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths - you know why they prefer to use the initials!) to empathise and received a very kind letter back - not entirely personal but not entirely impersonal either. It was enough to impress me.)
So anyway, I suspect the poor chap should never have become PM under any circumstances but certainly not under the circumstances that he did. And now the world seems to be falling apart beneath him, poor poppet.
He's not an upfront leader type. He's not charismatic. He doesn't inspire people. He shouldn't be there. But now he is do we have to be so horrid all the time? Yes, he should resign and maintain just a little bit of dignity (actually, I think it is too late for that - his only shot at dignity now is for something AMAZING to happen that vindicates everything he's ever done...so holding on and hoping perhaps is *his* best option just now) but please, please, please can we/they/everyone just be a smidgy bit nicer to him while he goes?

Quite the Reverse

2009-05-30T14:21:00.003+01:00

So after my whinge about a certain company's poor customer service, I felt it only fair to write about the excellent customer service I've received today, only this time I'll name the company (actually, companies but I shall mostly be praising one...)
So. I haven't been into a Lush store in years. Mostly because of the smell and assuming I'll feel awfully sick if I spend too long in there. Also because I mostly think that they make bath bombs and bits of soap. While these are nice enough, I really don't buy them often. (I know what follows will be preaching to the choir with le Welsh.)
Anyway, I've been looking for a gentle sort of face exfoliator for a little bit now and as I was passing Lush as I left town, I thought I'd stop in.
I wandered about for a pleasant amount of time before I was offered assistance. I explained what I was after and the assistant showed me several options, one of which seemed like just the thing. I was getting prepared to buy some when she said "so I'll give you a sample. Try it out, it might not be right for you in which case you could go this way or that but do try it for a few days before committing". I was impressed enough by this point. Then I remembered to check that everything was ok for pregnant ladies (aside here: I keep hearing half comments about problems with some skin products while pregnant but as yet have found no information on it other than very vague remarks. So I'm assuming that normal stuff is fine!)
I was assured of the nature of all Lush's products and that I'd have no problems but the sales assistant was now very excited to show me lots of lovely massage bars and moisturisers and other yummy things that would be a good thing over the next few months. I had a hand massage and then tried out several other scrubs and moisturisers and and and.
This reminded me that I had actually been looking for a new hand cream for over night as my hands are still really not liking the water in these parts. So we sorted that.
Then, ever so delicately, she suggested another skin product that I might be in need of and again got me a sample so that I could see if it did please me before committing.
Finally she gave me a copy of the Lush Times in which she had marked up all the products we'd talked about and which ones were generally good for pregnancy.
I came away with three products and lots of information having only spent £5.82.
Clearly, all her information and help is also a very effective selling technique but I don't mind that at all, it is still very, very good service.
(The other places of good service today were Jessops (they always do well I have to say), a little jewellery shop the name of which I cannot remember but I will go back there for any jewellery needs in the future and Tullivers, a health food shop where I didn't buy anything but gained a lot of information on dealing with the combo of hayfever and pregnancy. (More aside - Jessops sold me a diddy camera (which I was looking for as a birthday present from Husbink's parents) to be a more mobile item than our lovely but often impractical D-SLR. It's blue and it's cute and it does everything I wanted it to. I am happy. :) ))
So, well done Lush, you've just acquired yourself a new loyal customer. I sincerely hope you can keep me.

Body, Mind and Soul

2009-05-27T19:22:00.002+01:00

So we are all made up of lots of different aspects, we can divide those things in many different ways. One such way being to think of our bodies, our minds and our souls.
At the moment, my body is boss. Big time. If my body says jump, I jump. My mind...is sorely neglected, my soul perhaps even more so. I don't have the capacity (mental? physical? emotional?) to listen to anything other than my body at the moment. Mostly what my body says is "feed me" and "rest me".
I've had to listen to it just now and decide not to go out for the evening. The evening would have probably benefited both mind and soul but the body won out again. I don't think this is a problem. For much of my life, my mind has won. Not so much over the past seven years or so since finishing uni but I still think it gets its fair share. My soul tends to win in bursts, great big bursts of getting what it needs that then fizzle away until I realise that there is need for a burst again.
That last pattern, the soul one, is one that it would be good to get out of but otherwise I think it is ok that different parts of ourselves are fed and tended at different times.
You can of course see that my mind is going to pot at the moment from the inane babble of this post. Ah well. I thought it was time to finally let one of the semi-ideas in my mind out so here you have it. There was another one about taking a long time to learn some lessons but I think I've basically written that post before, perhaps about eighteen months, two years ago so I thought that could wait a bit longer (in this instance, it has taken me years to learn that although I might like the wallowing and reading and bubbles of having a bath, they always (well, almost) give me tummy ache and a relaxing shower is much, much better for me. Here endeth my lesson. I think last time it was about a particular author who I admire but whose books I can't stand...)

Rather Lacking

2009-05-21T21:01:00.000+01:00

The company I work for is VERY big on customer service. We rely heavily on an extremely loyal customer base and so we go out of our way for them every day.
Sometimes this is particular situations like the woman I had in a few weeks ago whose husband had ruined his favourite trousers by getting a biiiig stain on them while doing some DIY. We had no advice on ways to remove it (it was not coming out) so instead managed to track down a suitable patch (the trousers were no longer current stock) which involved cutting up a spare pair found at head office...
Other times, it is just our policy that gives the good service. We have no 28 day limit for refunds or exchanges. We have one of (if not the) longest guarantee in the business on waterproofing. If we start a 20% off promo and people come back in complaining they hadn't heard one week, two weeks, three weeks ago when they bought their x, y, z, we refund the difference in gift vouchers... Sometimes I get irritated because we are a small company and would people really do that to M&S or Debenhams when they have one of their blue cross sales? Maybe some would but I suspect not as many as do to us. Anyway. The point is, I spend my time at work bending over backwards for people (sometimes I'm happy to, sometimes it grates, it rather depends on the person) and so I have very little tolerance for bad service.
This week, I got very cross with myself for not saying to someone how utterly abysmal their service had been. Instead I left. Then I spent the rest of the evening fuming and plotting what I might do to rectify the situation while knowing that I wouldn't be bothered to do any of these things.
I was in a shop on the way home from work. I was looking to buy a few things that I required but I was buying treat versions rather than cheap versions. There were signs all over the shop saying that if I spent £20 I would get a free bag. As I I was spending nearly £20 on what I wanted I thought I might as well tip it over the £20 mark as a free bag never goes astray with me. Several sales assistants checked if I needed any help and one of them pointed out to me that there was an offer still on that ended that evening so she'd removed the signs. She did not say "so the offer that all the signs in the shop are for is not running yet". Nothing of the sort.
When I got to the till and made my purchase (which included getting sucked into a discount card thingy) it became apparent that my free bag was not forth coming. However my money had been taken by then and I was tired. It twigged that if one offer was still running the one advertised everywhere wasn't. I stated this much. The woman (who was the manager making this even worse) simply said "no" at the end. I was tired. I was grumpy. I just walked out. I did not point out how poor her service was. I did not point out that in my shop if we put the signs up early so we can go home on time, we honour them. It is our fault, not the customers that we are over-keen.
Now I'm left just not wanting to ever go into that shop again. But I like their products. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

2009-05-14T08:14:00.003+01:00

So, I promised a more news-full post so here goes.

You may remember a while ago I very vaguely mentioned keeping secrets? Well, I'm lousy at it. Not at keeping your secrets - if you tell me something that you want to be confidential, I can do that, no problem - it's my secrets I struggle to keep. Anyway. I've done a bit better than sometimes over the last few months while I've kept two things relatively quiet. Well, three things actually. Note the relatively though. By no means have I kept them secret!

First, and least excitingly, I've started a freelance journalism course. This came about for various reasons and I'm not sure where it is going. What I mean by that is currently I'm not thrilled with the course. It is a little silly and quite frustrating in places. It also isn't put together all that well and that really winds me up - something lecturing me on the importance of care and attention to detail as well as grammar and spelling that can't do it itself. Grump. Anyway, I can (normally) look past those things to the actual content and with that I'm still not thrilled but perhaps the benefit of this course is that it will confirm whether or not I'm interested in this at all. And confirming not is just as valid an answer. I'd looked at some more fulltime journalism courses but they were very big time and money commitments for something I wasn't sure about. This is a relatively low time and money commitment and a good starting point. I'm sure aspects of the course will be very interesting even if at the end of it I don't do anything as such with it.

Second, and equally excitingly with the third secret (sort of, they are quite different sorts of excitement) is that I'm pregnant. Just passed the 12 week mark but no scan yet. Which everyone keeps telling me must be a good sign - if they were at all worried about me, they'd have got me a 12 week scan. As it is I'm waiting until nearly 14 weeks. Waiting impatiently!
I have been relatively lucky through the first trimester. I haven't been sick at all. I have felt pretty lousy at times and done a lot of sleeping but I know it could have been much, much worse. Now my mind is beginning to reel with all the practicalities but I'm doing my best to not be overwhelmed, at least until Husbink's exam is over.

Third, I still don't feel like I can quite say in this context because it isn't my news so I shall continue to be oblique. Many of you will know this one already. Which is that someone else is pregnant and due at a very similar time to me but a long, long way away. This is so very, very exciting. I have found it much easier to be excited about this other pregnancy than my own. My own has implications for me (like a lot of time with my feet up!) and this other one I can be much more simplistic about and enjoy!

I'm not sure I quite believe the middle bit of news yet, Husbink certainly has moments when he is less convinced! I've been assured by various other men that until the scan, it is really unreal for the father. So what if your wife is being hormonal and crazy? Isn't that just normal?! For me a big part of the unrealness comes from the distortion of time. It seems like it has been going on so long now that I can't believe I've only known for seven weeks. That this strange bit of time has only lasted that long.

Well, there you have it. Now the news is out there, I can perhaps write interesting posts again that I promise will not all be about how I feel today and whether there is a bump and what I craved last night (my afternoon craving didn't work for me...I craved, I ate, I was not satisfied) and so on. I may even subject you to some of my articles for the course. We'll see...

Hello

2009-05-03T20:14:00.002+01:00

Well, that's about as far as this post had got in my head. I just wanted to check in really.
I've had a thoroughly lovely weekend with the marvellous Ruth. It is a little terrifying just how long it had been since we last met but at least we've had the weekend now and the possibility of lots of other meetings over the summer. We talked. That's about the size of it. It was fab.
Other than that...
Last week was pretty crazy at work. We were seriously understaffed. In the end, I only worked 7.5 hours more than usual but it still meant work/tutorial every day but one. I was very sleepy on Friday. And Saturday. And today. I fell asleep on the sofa this afternoon but it was vaguely nightmarish sleep so I'm still mostly just wanting bed now!
I realise this is not the most exciting post in the world ever. Give me another week to get myself sorted and I promise a more interesting post soon...

The Group Dance

2009-04-19T19:48:00.000+01:00

I can't imagine that I've got through two and a half years of blogging without mentioning The Group Dance but that doesn't mean it isn't worth mentioning again...
I think life would be vastly improved if it were like a Disney film... When any major decision faces you, when any marvellous (or dreadful) thing occurs, you start to sing and a chorus suddenly appears behind you, knowing all the moves and helping the song along.
A couple of advertisers seem to have caught on of late that this is a deep seated desire in many people's (women's?) hearts.
The first is the Berrocca ad...You but on a really good day...where the four people "dance" on treadmills. I love it. Especially the bit with the two "skating" across the treadmills sideways. It's a group dance. People passing by are suddenly united by this desire to dance...
The rest of the ads are by some mobile broadband provider or other and they are even better. I assume they are based on the event about a year ago when Rick-Rolling ("attacking" people with Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up) was "all the rage" and there was a planned singing at something like 6pm at Liverpool Street Station...suddenly heaps of people burst into song all around the place, not knowing if they'd be joined - but they were. Anyway, these ads are all in train stations and all involve lots of people singing and dancing together...and I just want to be there!
I think it is part of the whole loss of community thing as well, there is something about The Group Dance that makes you feel like you belong to something larger, a bunch of people beyond those you know personally.
I think I've mentioned before about various national radio DJs that create this sense of community despite the fact that the listeners have no geographical proximity. One of the best examples is Chris Evans on Drivetime on Fridays...he plays the same song at about 6.20 every week (it used to be Delilah which was brilliant, now it's The Wonder of You which is so-so) and that is the start of the weekend - you sing along and then text in where you did the D-Spot (as it was) or the E-Spot (as it is).
Another of my preferred examples is that of Steven-ing or Steven-age from Adam & Joe on Radio 6 on Saturday mornings. If you don't listen to Adam & Joe, umm, basically, if you ever here someone in a public place shouting "Ste-ven!" and others responding "Just coming!" then it wasn't someone shouting to their friends, it was strangers connecting... Husbink wanted to try out some Stevenage when we went to see Lenny Henry in Othello at the West Yorkshire Playhouse last month but I wasn't sure the audience was right...
Back to The Group Dance... The streets in this town are so busy so much of the time with all the tourists that it would be so "easy" for a group dance to form, perhaps I should just start one day and see if anyone joins in...

So tired...

2009-04-17T18:36:00.002+01:00

...but want to post!
I've had a nice day today, doing nice things but actually I think it is the one hour of work (seeing one of my students) that has been the best part of the day.
I've seen this student twice a week almost every week since October. She's a lovely bubbly girl, very easy to talk to and teach (in terms of responsiveness) but she does struggle with the subject more than anyone I've taught before.
It is a month tomorrow until her first GCSE exam. I have been very worried about her abilities and whether I have earned all the money her parents have been giving me over the past six months.
On Wednesday I saw her and she proved to me that things have changed in the past few months. Her mental arithmetic was fantastic. I was very impressed and relieved.
Today, everything seemed to be working. There were still bits that she needed help with (otherwise I would really have been stealing my fee) but it seemed that suddenly things were clicking. There will be plenty more moments in the next month when I'm concerned about the exams again but for now I'm really pleased that there is a good chance of the necessary grade afterall! Hurrah!

Making Mistakes on the Internet

2009-04-14T20:05:00.003+01:00

This post is going to be hard to write without adding to the things that are on the internet that shouldn't be. I will be intentionally vague. I hope you can still keep up.

Someone I know has made a bit of a hideous mistake and put something on the internet that really should not have been there. They are going to lose their job. Which seems to be an increasingly common issue with the internet and email doesn't it? There was something or other on the news this morning about people being fired because of Facebook comments/posts/pictures/whatever. I didn't listen too much but you'd have thought people would start to learn some time soon, wouldn't you?

Anyway, as I said, this post isn't really about that, that is just the scene setter. What this post is about is gossip. You see, I knew a little about this particular issue before today. I should not have done. I mostly wished I didn't. But I didn't do anything with my knowledge and I didn't stop the conversations.
Today has been a free for all on the "victim" amongst mutual acquaintances. It has been discussed from all angles - the funny side (there is one, albeit a rather cruel one), the stupid side (which could also be the disbelieving side) and the wider implication side.
I do not know how to extract myself from conversations of this nature but I don't really want to be part of them either. Correction - I would like to not want to be part of them. I feel uncomfortable with them but I still want to know what is said, enjoy the chewing over that such discussions have.
This is something that I go through on a fairly regular basis. How to extract myself from conversations I do not wish to participate in...but equally don't want to be left out of.
There are bitchy conversations, complaining about one person or another.
There are cyclical, depressing conversations that just get people lower and lower.
There are conversations where I simply don't want to know.
I didn't think I did well at all at distancing myself but someone did tell me last week that they were amazed by my patience because I never seemed to join in one particular string of bitching session. This has given me a little bit of hope for keeping going with the attempt. Any wise thoughts, little tips or evergreen conversation turners?!

Right then.

2009-04-11T08:50:00.002+01:00

I was going to blog about some of the serious stuff from New Word Alive wasn't I? Hmm...once again the week has stolen the blogging mojo from me and I'm now at the weekend (feeling very sleepy) and wondering what it was I was going to say...
So I suppose a summary is the best I can hope for at the moment so it goes like this...
I had a very good time at New Word Alive (for those confused by the "new", I was too, I'm still not sure I can explain the ins and outs properly but what used to just be Word Alive has now split from Spring Harvest for various theological issues). There were bits that were not good, I felt a little bit of an outsider at first but by the end it all came together.
The organisers put quite a big stress on the need to have a holiday as well as go to sessions and stuff. This was quite a change from when I'd previously been and it was very easy to overload yourself with knowledge during the week and feel like popping at the weekend. Instead this time, I mostly went to one morning, one afternoon and one evening thing. Sometimes though I stayed in the caravan and watched the morning or evening session on the telly. Otherwise, I slept, I played Adventure Golf (superior in many ways to just your average crazy golf, if for no other reason than fitting in with the theme of this blog), I debated ways for one of our group to ensnare a "famous" single Christian speaker... And of course, the goat came out from time to time when everyone was getting too sensible.
All the sessions I attended were good, wholesome stuff. They gave me things to think about and things to change. They did not answer big questions (like which church?) they did not make me think I should change my life forever. But that is ok, or perhaps even good.
When younger, I used to experience the highs and lows of these kind of big Christian events. While there, everything was possible, everything would change, the world would never be the same... Then home... The highs never lasted and rarely changed anything. To have a more consistent sort of experience where I can learn and come away with a few small nuggets that can make a difference in my life is a much more valuable thing.
Apologies. I'm really sleepy. I doubt this is making sense... Giving up now... Sozzo!

Too Much to Say

2009-04-05T11:56:00.002+01:00

I've just been away for a week at New Word Alive, a Christian, umm...well, some people call it a conference but that sounds too dull, some call it a convention but that sounds too sci-fi...
Anyway, whatever you call it, it was very refreshing and just what was needed.
I first went to Word Alive in 1994 when it was part of Spring Harvest (I only gathered on the way there that it was no longer part of Spring Harvest. To do with some fairly significant differences of opinion that I don't think I have fully grasped yet so will not try to explain.) but I hadn't been since 2004, just before getting married. This year I went again without Husbink and without many people I knew in the group as two of the stalwarts were busy at home with their very new and gorgeous little girl.
So anyway, there is plenty to be digested and spat out (hmm, I eant that in a positive way, perhaps not the best choice of phrase!) over the next few days and weeks but for now I will tell you a very silly thing from the week...
I went to stay at my lovely friend's house on Sunday night to make the long journey on Monday a little less long. Her best friend who I know reasonably well by now was also there. Anyway.
Monday morning, we were all sitting on my friend's bed having cups of tea when she declared she had a present for me.
Knowing how lousy I've felt over the past six months or so, when a certain item came into her work place with the book people, she felt compelled to buy it for me.
It's cuddly. It's a hand puppet. It's a goat. It sings. In a bizarre voice. The Lonely Goatherd. Sadly, only one verse!
So much fun. Husbink, clearly, hates it. Well, actually, I don't think he hates it quite as much as the bravado shows. Or so I will keep telling myself.
Should you wish to witness it, YouTube has more than one clip showing it but you can see one here.
It is very good to have very silly friends :)
More of the serious stuff soon.

It comes, it goes...

2009-03-25T18:10:00.002Z

So for a bit there I was back in the blogging zone...it seems to have gone a little awol of late.
I have half written a post but I can't quite finish it...which actually is relevant to what the post is about...keeping secrets. So you see, the post is quite hard to write!
Anyway, I'm ticking along. I'm off to Spring Harvest next week. I'm looking forward to it but I'm also a little nervous, I always am for some reason, many reasons I expect.
We had a nice weekend last weekend with Husbink's parents. It was VERY relaxed. So relaxed as to be lots of sleeping and not very much else.
Husbink is on nights again tonight and I am off ot home group. I would rather be sleeping but I'm sure it'll be good for me.
Anyhoo, just to check in really. :)

Proud

2009-03-14T20:52:00.002Z

There are times when you simply have to be proud to be human, proud to belong to the people that you do. One such time for me was last night watching Comic Relief.
I get a lot of whiners at work. People who complain about everything, especially money. Last week seemed to be full of them. They only see the bad and they are so unbelievably selfish as well. Our shop is not cheap, people who shop with us are pretty well off, not just in the grand global scheme of things but in the UK scheme of things too. And yet they whine and whine and whine. So I start to think the worst of people.
Then you see that Comic Relief raised a record breaking amount of money. £57million on the night, up to £59million now. People aren't all bad. People are prepared to reach into their pockets to help other people. This was a good thing to be reminded of!
The other thing that I really enjoyed about it was the whole celebrities prepared to make prats of themselves thing, like teachers at the end of term or leaders on the last night of a holiday club... It somehow makes you feel part of something, which is also a very good thing. And something, as I think I've mentioned before that is seriously lacking in our communities these days. I feel more part of a radio show audience than I do part of my street. If that makes sense.
Anyway, all round, it was an uplifting thing. An uplift I need to take with me over the next few days.

Why does it make a difference?

2009-03-13T15:06:00.002Z

I was coming to post about something else but an email I've found on the way has changed the topic!
So.
This email was from a friend and it was a forward from a friend of theirs regarding blood/bone marrow donation as a general need and specifically for their daughter (the friend of a friend's daughter. Keeping up?!) I am not a blood donor because I can't be - I had two blood transfusions (following my two jaw operations) in the "bad" window when bloods were not properly screened and there was BSE and so on. So I can't donate blood now or ever. That's a slight tangent.
With this email was a flyer highlighting the family's campaign. I was thinking along the lines of "oh, that's sad, poor them, hope it works out" before opening the flyer. Then I opened it and the girl affected is just gorgeous. About eight years old, beautiful smile, really bright looking, her hair in cute bunches and so on. So now the story is devastating, desperately sad, wish I could donate (but see above, I can't - though maybe bone marrow? I don't know.)
Why does the fact that she is cute make any difference at all? Obviously there have been studies into things like maternal instincts and that cuter children (bigger eyes, whatever it is) do bring out more of the natural desire to protect but still...
I can't ever know if the reaction would have been the same on opening the flyer - maybe it was just having a face to the problem that was the trigger and how she looked didn't really have anything to do with it but I think we've probably seen this on bigger scales anyway to know that it isn't just me and that the story and just a face does not produce the same interest as a story and a pretty face. Thoughts?

Being Me

2009-03-09T15:30:00.003Z

A bit of a break from the last post for something more lighthearted!

On Friday, Husbink got home from the night shift and wasn't completely exhausted. It was a beautiful day so I suggested he didn't sleep and we went out somewhere. We went to an RSPB reserve on wetlands east of Goole. It was very beautiful. There were lots of birds. (I love wigeons, they are so cute - pictures another time). We also saw stoats. Or weasels. We aren't quite sure which but they performed very well. (I quick Google search confirms our opinion that they probably were stoats. The fact that a few of the same images came up for stoats and weasels though makes me not completely confident...) And we saw rats. But they were out in the country so they were cute too! (Actually, they were quite interesting as my immediate reaction to them was "gosh, I've never seen an unstressed rat before!" they were just chilled, nibbling food, sunbathing...)
Then we Ikea'd (I think it is a verb, no?) and acquired new furniture so Saturday was spent rearranging the house. And buying lots of seeds so that I can grow patio vegetables (potatoes, carrots, peas, tomatoes, peppers and another go at spring onions but I'm not holding my breath there.)
We played poker on Saturday night with friends in Leeds.
Sunday was chilled other than a strenuous gym session and a challenging sermon in the evening. I had some pain so I was pretty grumpy and a bit wiped out. I still have some pain today so I'm still a bit wiped out. Though that is partly due to the personal training session too.

ANYWAY. That was all preamble to the point really. The point was, that I had a really good weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed all the things we did but I also realised that I've been having a bit of a tendency to behave how I think other people are expecting me to behave at the moment. With our new cell group or the knitter natter group or whatever, I've been taking the lead from the people already there rather than just being myself. If they don't like me when I'm being me, well, at least they know what's not to like!
Durrr.....

A personal debate in public

2009-03-01T11:44:00.001Z

I thought I'd expand one of the paragraphs in the previous post a bit since I've received a few offline comments about it and writing things down helps order thoughts and people's opinions are very important in such things too. Opinions? Perhaps not the right word - people's wisdom is better I think.

So.

I think it is important (and in many instances explicitly scriptural) for Christians to meet together because...Fellowship is good. Spending time with people on the same journey, though at many different points, is a seriously necessary thing to do. Some of that time can be formal (corporate worship, bible studies etc) but some (most?) needs to be relational. It needs to be about getting to know people and having genuine relationships with them that lead to accountability, honesty, true support...
People need to worship together. Le Welsh will know who I'm talking of when I mention a chap who once said "sometimes it takes me a full half hour after I wake up in the morning before I start truly worshipping God" (or something along those lines). Well, sometimes it takes me the whole day. And the next day. And the next. If I did not have times of corporate worship giving me a good kick up the backside (yes, sometimes they can give a bad kick up the backside too) I might quickly lose all ability to worship God. Except perhaps those glorious moments of blue skies/trees/mountains/birdsong/rivers...I think and hope that I would always feel drawn to my creator and saviour in those contexts.
We need to learn. Yes, there is an abundance of Christian material (not least the bible!) out there from which we can gain knowledge and understanding of God in private but I do not think we can take away what comes from learning together, discussing with others, hearing directly from people wiser than ourselves. We need to come together to be taught. On our own we can pick and choose too much and start creating the God we want to exist rather than continuing to be created by the God that does exist.
Communion. I think perhaps in contemporary times this is not as obvious as it would have been thirty or forty years ago. Because we are in a major backlash against tradition and formality and ritual (some of which is good) we may have lost sight of the fact that communion is scriptural - it is just some of the trappings of it that perhaps are not. Communion can certainly be part of a meal with friends. It can certainly be taken out of "the church" but it does require Christians together to do it.

Next come the things that I think are vital to our Christian lives but don't necessarily have to be done together.

Love. Kind of like point one above but not so much about the growing/discipling fellowship above, more about the outward looking, how we treat the world aspect. It is impossible to sustain that love with God and how we keep ourselves "fuelled" or "topped up" or "on track" with God may indeed bring us back to point one above.
Justice/Social Action/Call it what you may. An offshoot of love but a more active one. We're all different. For some this will be a serious money challenge, for others a serious prayer challenge, for others a serious get off your backside and be my hands challenge.
Stewardship. More of the same in a way. Taking good care of what we have in the widest possible context. Environmental issues are utterly mainstream now but they are utterly Christian too.

So.
I know there are many shapes of church now. There are traditional (in the broadest sense - to encompass all that meet in a building on a Sunday morning and have something more or less akin to the hymn sandwich style of my childhood) churches. There are mainstream non-traditional (like our local Vineyard that meet not on a Sunday and structure things differently but are part of a fairly well known, fairly widespread organisation). There are new style house churches. There are churches that meet in pubs, clubs, shoe shops (that is possibly the best of the ones I've read about). There are groups of friends that meet up to encourage their faith.
The thing is, with any of these "new" styles of church (by coincidence, I've just taken a break from writing and popped over to Simon's blog which contains thoughts on newness.) when they become successful or popular, they are going to find that they need a bigger building or a purpose built building or that in fact Sundays really are the most convenient time to meet... They are going to find that they do and say the same thing every week, creating liturgy all over again. They may find that they go on loving and acting in the world in a more upfront out there sort of way than their predecessors but they are going to start looking awfully similar.
Because of that, I have always felt it better to try to change the churches that already exist and help people (myself at the top of the list of people to help) change their habits, change what they desire from church, change their outlook, rather than dash off and create a new church from scratch that is going to hit all the same problems in a year, five years, ten years, twenty years. As someone put it recently about the church I'm currently affiliated with "They were all young twenty years ago and doing amazing things. Now they're all writing books about the things they did then." The church is relatively new despite being in one of the oldest buildings in an old city. They've gone from big ideals and newness to big ideals and familiarity. This is not a criticism, it is what happens. But I'm bored of it. Is this just my problem? Do I need to face a time of discipline to get through it and come out the other side? Do I need to fight along the way and use my dissatisfaction to create change? Do I need to depart all together and try one of these new fangled systems of church?
I've just deleted a whole other paragraph because I think that is enough thoughts for one day. I could go on for a long while with related thoughts and ideas but I'll stop here for now. I would love to hear what you have to say, by comment, by email, by phone, face to face... When I've thought some more (and maybe had some feedback), I'll perhaps post round two! In the mean time, I'm going to do something that I've been considering for a while and email Traidcraft to ask about fairtrade wool...

Truthfulness

2009-02-27T09:52:00.002Z

Truthfully, I enjoy my job about two thirds of the time. The other third tends to be pretty frustrating, irritating and silly. In the non-good sense. Two-thirds enjoyment isn't bad I think.
Truthfully, however much I might enjoy it at times, it is not enough. Over Christmas, it was enough. I love meeting that many people and doing things to help them - even if it is helping them part with cash that perhaps some of them should not part with. Hmm.
Truthfully, I love tutoring. My students are fab. They make me laugh but they are also learning which is so exciting and encouraging. I was fearful for one of them quite recently. I really didn't think she was going to improve but now we are getting somewhere and I hope she will get the grade she needs to do the almost entirely non-maths course she wants to do next year.
Truthfully, this city is ok. It is very beautiful. There are some fun things to do. People are superficially friendly.
Truthfully, we do not have any proper friends here. A few of my colleagues are heading that way - they are lovely people, they just aren't quite proper friends yet.
Truthfully, I'm sick of churches. I wondered the other day if I was having a crisis of faith but I realised I'm not. It is simply a crisis of church. This is surprising to me. I have always been very pro-church. A lot of people are unsure whether church is vital to faith. I have always said yes, yes, yes! But now, I'm sick of churches. I know there are 'alternative' churches out there but they have yet to fill me with joy either. This is truthful, but perhaps not the full story, being such a small space.
Truthfully, I'd rather not be here. I would still rather be on the other side of the world. I'm sorry. I've tried. It has been a year. More than. I'd really like to be able to say "that was nice but it is over, this is now, this is good" but I can't. I'd still much rather be there. That doesn't mean it would be the right thing or indeed that we shall ever live there again. It certainly won't be the case for another six and a half years.
Truthfully, there are people I miss all over the world now. There is never going to be a place to live where I don't miss someone. And that's not a bad thing, actually.
Truthfully, I'm sick of my body. (skip this if you don't want to know...) Bleeding all the time (or what feels like all the time, there are very little gaps) is depressing. It is also tiring. It also requires me to eat more red meat than normal. And more fruit (which is a little less obvious). Cysts are no fun either. They at least don't happen quite so much of the time but they really hurt when they do. And then when they burst...that's really no fun.
Truthfully, I don't know what I'm waiting for. I've been playing at waiting for so long - waiting for Husbink to finish uni, waiting to be settled into married life, waiting for a good time, waiting for some stability. I thought I was waiting for babies now but see above, I can't pretend to be waiting for babies just at the moment. So what am I waiting for? And when I stop waiting, what is it I'm actually going to be doing? The waiting takes the ideas away and I have to stop it.
Truthfully, most of the time, I'm ok. I'm alright. I'm quite happy really. But the health stuff takes it out of me which when combined with the church stuff and the waiting stuff make it hard to pull myself together at times.
Truthfully, at moments like the end of the last paragraph, I realise how very British I am. I do believe, in one way or another, in the stiff upper lip. Pip pip!

A Celebration

2009-02-14T13:14:00.002Z

(There are many things to post about just now but this outranks them all. By a long, long way.)

After a bit of a lie in, I got up this morning and saw that I had just missed a call from a good friend, my phone being on silent. I'd been meaning to ring her for quite some time and so initially was very pleased. However, in the few minutes it took me to ring her back I had realised a more significant reason for a Saturday morning phone call and was not surprised when she answered sounding a little teary.

A wonderful, wonderful lady who many of you will either know personally, have met at our wedding or at least heard a lot about over the last eight years, died peacefully in her sleep this morning. She was 98. She has wanted to die ever since I've known her, she couldn't understand why the Lord wouldn't take her yet! At the same time she revelled in all the people she knew, in all the marriages and births that she witnessed, these last few years a number of small people have kept her going very well. All we ever wished really was that when the time came it would be painless and peaceful. It was, as we understand. We were a little saddened at Christmas when she moved into a home as that was something she had always wanted to avoid but all reports are that she enjoyed it and kept very lively and chatty right until Thursday this week. On Friday, she was a little sleepy.

I have tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat while I write this but I know that above all, we should celebrate today the wonderful life that has passed.

A little bit of brainstorming with Husbink and Mrs SD has led to the following options for the day...
A visit to Tiger Tiger - when it opened in Leeds, she was there like a shot, enjoying sitting at the bar chatting up the barmen. The best bit was, we couldn't go at the time! It was an over 25s bar so she at 93 (or so) could enjoy it while we at 23 techinically could not!
A lot of shouting of "Come on Tim!" - she loved Wimbledon and especially our Mr Henman. We can't force a day of tennis so unseasonally so perhaps just settling for the supporting would do!
Displaying photos - her mantle and window sills were covered with wedding and baby pictures. Many of us were honoured to have our turn in pride of place after our weddings.
Bake cakes - she was very good at this, my favourite always being the lemon cake.
Eat pizza and donuts - she did like to see us well fed.

But by far and away the thing that will always remind us of her most I think will be the glasses of bucks fizz that we had in her living room to celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Easter...or any other special occasion. Raise a glass, cheers Hilda!

What constitutes "full time"?

2009-02-06T18:08:00.002Z

(It was, by the way, a very good adventure. Husbink particularly took some amazing pictures of lochs with fog and wisps of cloud...I shall do them justice at another date...but for now...)
I believe in part time work, quite strenously! As well you know (if you know me), this is nothing to do with being lazy, it is to do with being healthy and happy and seeing Husbink and looking after him and all that sort of thing.
However.
Over the past few weeks, I've been picking up more and more work. It seems that rather a few students got their GCSE mock results over the past month and there has been panic in the ranks and a need for tuition has arisen! So I refuse some and accept some. I now have five hours of tutorials a week, plus all the travelling that they bring. I might be picking up another student next week too but all seems to have gone quiet on that front so I am probably not.
Anyway. I still technically only work 25 hours a week, plus the travel. That makes 30 hours at the absolute maximum. Most full time work is at least 37 hours a week but I am doing enough - more than enough actually, I feel my time being stolen. The house is suffering a little. A couple of my outside interests are suffering. I am quite content though and with the nature of my students, I will lose them all in a few months time once exams are over and can then start again deciding how many to take on and where to "put" them.
But my point is, I keep thinking "I'm working full time now" - which I'm not, officially, but to me I am.
I know lots of you work proper full time or more than full time...is it because you love your jobs? Or that we value our time differently? Or that I'm just quite lucky to be able to be so picky? Or a little of all of the above?
In other news, I have new glasses. Because my eye sight has improved. I'm less short sighted all of a sudden and so reading and writing and knitting (three major uses of my time) were becoming very painful.
My glasses are mostly black and a little bit orange. Not what I was expecting but I rather loved them so...(oh, and they are a lot more subtle than that sounds but I did enjoy telling Husbink over the phone that they were BLACK and ORANGE. He was afraid...)

Time for An Adventure

2009-01-24T16:36:00.002Z

Having said there has been a lack of adventuring, at last we are off again!
A week of holiday, a week of new places, photographs, walks, food, pubs...hurrah!
This past week has been long and difficult and no fun in many places. So I've made my own fun from time to time.
I have used (at points slightly unnecessarily) my bright green, slightly too large, covered in daisies umbrella. When I received it as a Christmas present I was a little alarmed because of its size but now I love it because it makes me smile.
I have laughed a lot with Husbink. Hurrah for Husbinks!
Just at the moment though I'm stuck on the sofa because my body has said enough! I really rather do need this holiday...
Back to Sense & Sensibility...

Being Lazy

2009-01-18T11:59:00.002Z

I have taken a long, long time to learn how to be lazy. That's lazy in a good way. Clearly.
Yesterday, I think I may have finally managed it.
We woke up. I made tea. We snoozed, listening to Adam and Joe on Radio 6. We got up to make breakfast...and took it back to bed. Listened to more Adam and Joe and when they finished, switched over to not-Jonathon Ross on Radio 2. Husbink read Empire. I read The Economist.
We eventually got up around 1pm and had some lunch. We played Mario Kart.
Around 3pm we went to the gym. We left the gym sometime after 5pm.
We came home and pootled about before making a fish laksa for dinner. We played more Mario Kart, watched an episode of Life on Mars. I went to bed. Husbink watched Match of the Day.
For me, the gym bit was hugely necessary otherwise I'd have felt like I'd wasted the day too much. Also, I'm not good at not leaving the house. If I stay inside too long, I do go a little loopy. (Various days on holiday when we've tried this have ended in tears. Actual tears.)
It was a good day. But today, I get to be busy again, rushing hither and thither and that's much more what I'm made for!

Not Much Adventuring Going On...

2009-01-16T08:42:00.003Z

Both in the blogging world and the real world.
It seems we have settled down to 'normal' life again. Which, frankly, is a shame. I know it was inevitable but that doesn't make it good.
Not to say that life in the Used-to-be-Adventuring household is bad; it isn't. Things are ticking along pretty well at the minute. Husbink loves his work. I am getting to the point where the work is good. It has taken a little while to get the balance right but I think I'm pretty much there.
We are starting to meet people and make friends in our new city. We are settled in our house. We have decided on a church (this was not like our deciding on a church in NZ where it was so utterly obvious and right and so on. This was deciding on a church in a "there's very little to pick between so let's just choose" way). We have joined a gym. Much as I always think I shouldn't like the gym and that there should be other (cheaper, better) ways of exercising, the gym really does work best for me. Partly because I can go on my own (and prefer going on my own) so it is something I can do when Husbink works (or sleeps, like this morning when I will go to the gym while he recovers from the night shift.)
Anyway, the point of all this is that it does not lead to anything very much to blog about. I know I used to blog about normal life as much, if not more, than about adventuring but it seems I needed the adventures to make normal life also worthy of note. This is not to say that I haven't had hundreds and thousands of posts (okay, that might be going a little far...) going round my head over the past few months but all of them, for a range of reasons, have been censored before meeting the page.
So that's my quietness dealt with but what now? I am in a state of some change which is always the kind of time for blogging but it is very internal change. Things are now not changing for a while, possibly a really long while, and the internal change is learning to live with that. Does this make for interesting blogging? Or perhaps, if not interesting blogging, motivated blogging?! We shall have to wait and see I guess!
'Til then...

Nice t' see ya...

2008-10-20T08:46:00.002+01:00

Hello...
It's been a strange wee while and I don't think I'm out of it yet.
We have had a few adventures which is nice, makes us think we haven't completely lost control of our lives. We took a little jaunt on the chunnel as it used to be called and had a lovely few chocolate filled days in Bruges with all the in laws (all being three of them, it wasn't a vast outing remember!). We've also managed to have a few days out from here, one amazingly beautiful walk on a warm Autumn Sunday afternoon, one slightly soggy, very muddy beautiful in places bike ride. (As well as fighting with mud quite spectacularly (at one point I was stopping every 60-70m to clean out my brakes because my wheels would not turn anymore...) we also changed route a couple of times to steer clear of the phesant hunters. We did not want our squeals of alarm at the mud to be mistaken for bird cries... Ooh, I also had quite an impressively complicated tumble at one point (really not sure what happened) and so now have impressively scraped and bruised knees so that I feel like a child.)
Other than that...well, I'm still not wildly happy about the direction life is going (or rather not going at the moment). Husbink's job is fab and I'm very happy for him. One of my jobs is fab. The other...is not turning out quite as I'd hoped. It may still be ok. I'm giving it time...
We were going to get a dog; we aren't now. We are looking for and utterly failing to find a church. We are looking for and utterly failing to find friends. We are making a mad dash tomorrow night to visit someone in hospital that we very, very much hope is not going to be in as serious a position post-hospital as they could be. I have another blood test a week today. I'm not looking forward to that as they bashed my arm up so much last time (yes, I know everyone can have a bad day so I'm not blaming them but it did hurt. For days.).
What a whinge.
Sorry.
I will, I'm sure, snap out of it soon. It's just taking longer to snap than I'd like!

I need a list

2008-09-16T10:57:00.003+01:00

It's a really long time since I've done any serious list writing and I feel that my mood requires one of me now...so, in a fairly arbitrary way, here's a list of my favourite things to bake...

1. Chocolate Fudge Cake (the family recipe, which, to the uninitiated is not the kind of chocolate fudge cake you get in restaurants but more a kind of brownie. Gooey in the middle, crisp on top...Armadillos!)
2. Flapjack (to my own recipe)
3. Ginger crunch (so easy, so sickly, so good)
4. Apple cookies (or apple cake or apple anything cos Husbink loves them and I feel like a good wifeling)
5.Black and White Muffins (a little bit of effort goes a long, long way. With all that melted chocolate goodness, how could you fail?)
6. Albert Square (we have no idea where the name comes from but that is what the book calls it...basically a currant and lemon cake with a little bit of icing...another of Husbink's favourites)
7. Chocolate Cookies (the easiest thing in the world to bake yet they turn out amazingly. The first time I gave them to a group of friends they would not believe they weren't bought.)
8. Bread (I'm just getting into this - I've got a bread machine that turns out good loaves of a sandwich-shaped nature but I'm beginning to experiment with hand made rolls and other goodies. Mostly what I love is the whole section where you think it is going to go horribly wrong while waiting for the yeast to do its thing...and then miraculously it does and you come out with light, risen, yummy goodness.)
9. Spinach and Feta Muffins (they're savoury! They must be healthy!)
10. Anything (well, almost...) new...

Recipes on request :)

Slightly Disappointing

2008-09-16T10:55:00.002+01:00

I had a wonderful day on Sunday. Well, a wonderful afternoon and evening. The morning was sadly a bit of a let down but I'll not go into that now (another post is brewing I'm sure). So we toddled across to Leeds on Sunday afternoon and while Husbink went to the rugby with Mr SD and a few other friends, Mrs SD and I pootled into Headingly (much faster than I expected from her "I can only go slow now" protestations!) for a coffee and a big old chat. It was marvellous. I love Mrs SD. Then we met up with the rugby goers back at the house of two of them and had a good chatter there too. And then we went to a rather famous (amongst us, anyway) curry house and met up with four more of the old group (and missed those that were missing) and had a lovely, lovely time. I was really in need of people and I got them! It was great to talk and laugh and be silly and talk and eat and... A really lovely evening. We all then went our separate ways (Husbink and I getting home in time to watch Bring Back Star Wars...it was very silly but much, much fun...) So what was the disappointment? Well, it was the morning after. I've eaten at that curry house a huge number of times. We've pined for it while at a distance. This curry house is so well loved to us and our friends that when my mum rang during the meal and I told her where we were she said "oooh, say hello from me!" not to the people but to the building! Right... Anyway, I've never felt ill effect from a meal there (other than self inflicted overstuffedness) until Monday morning. Don't worry, I was not ill, it was in no respect food poisoning or anything severe like that, I just wasn't right. Like you get sometimes after partaking in lesser curry meals. Husbink and I have a twenty-four hour rule that we apply to curries to class whether they were good or not. (Note that this is very different to my twenty-four hour rule for the purchase of shoes, bags, coats...where the accessory rule requires that I am still thinking about the possible purchase twenty-four hours after leaving the shop and thus clearly require the item and must return for it, in the case of a curry, the twenty-four hours should be marked by the meal not in the least playing on my mind!) For the first time ever, this curry house failed the twenty-four hour rule. Which is probably just a reminder that you should never look back.

Growing Up

2008-09-08T17:27:00.002+01:00

Over the last few months with one wedding and another and various large social events, I've run into quite a few people that I haven't seen for years and years. And it has been lovely.
I realised the other day that I kept dreading bumping into people from school or whenever because of one ex-friend (and I don't know why they are an ex-friend. Really. No idea. They just stopped talking to me. I did something. I don't know what...very, very weird!). Whenever I run into him it is deeply uncomfortable. He just doesn't seem to be letting go (of this mystery unknown thing. And there is a thing because other people know what it is and won't tell me. Anyway.)
So I'd been dreading running into various people. The kind of people who were friends of friends at school. Sometimes we got on. Sometimes we didn't so much. It was always fine-ish though. You know?
I'd tarred them all with this same brush, I assumed that they all harboured some secret grudge against me that I was never to know of but was to spend every wedding and big reunion regretting despite my lack of knowledge as Husbink and I sat in the corner ignored by all and sundry. Me? Paranoid?!
Not so. It turns out that most of us have grown up! That it was lovely to run into people, find out what they'd been doing, what they are doing, what twists life has taken for them...
It was just reassuring to discover that fundamentally, most people are rather nice when it comes down to it.

Harrowed

2008-08-20T15:05:00.003+01:00

The past two evenings, we have watched two films, one at home one at the cinema.
At home on Monday night we got round to watching The Last King of Scotland. Excellently done, very engrossing and very distressing (though perhaps not really as distressing as Hotel Rwanda because it was much more focussed on the effect on one man, not on the country as a whole). I didn't watch about ten minutes of it - I looked away briefly and Husbink decided to hide my eyes for a long time which was pretty alarming. I don't tend to look away from gruesome things in films (perhaps just not look too closely) but I do trust Husbink if he concludes I'd much rather not see.
Anyway, at the end of the film it took us a good forty minutes or so to calm down enough to go to bed and well, it wasn't the best sleep I've ever had.
Then last night we went to see The Dark Knight. I must confess I was not in the mood - for a film or the cinema at all and certainly not for this film. I vaguely suggested we went to see the third Mummy film instead but knew Husbink had been waiting for ages to see this film so...
It was good - in the sense that it was a well made, well done, good film. Heath Ledger was very impressive (though mainly I have to say when you compare various of his roles - this is the same person who played the near silent cowboy of Brokeback Mountain and the same person who played such an "easy" character in A Knight's Tale...that is what makes this such a good performance for me). Christian Bale was good. Michal Caine was good. Morgan Freeman was good. They were all good. But I found it disturbing and disgusting. Not disturbing and disgusting in that what I saw disturbed and disgusted me but I wonder why someone thought they'd make that film? It is dark, dark, dark.
Various people I know read a lot of Iain M Banks and Iain Banks books. I enjoy several of his lighter hearted books but some are just too dark. One in particular I remember finishing and thinking "why did he do that? why did he have to turn out all the lights?" because you are left with absolutely no hope. I said to my brother "why didn't he just let this one thing be different?" and he responded, "because then you could have hope".
The Dark Knight didn't wipe out hope, in fact Batman seems to really believe in hope like I do. The overall message of this film is not the dark despair that a lack of hope brings, that is not the problem here. I simply found it overwhelming that someone thought that this was ok as entertainment - the implied grossness being the least of the problems in many ways.
I dunno. As I say, I didn't want to go. I wasn't in a good mood. I'd already been hounded by The Last King of Scotland the night before. It is a good film. Husbink enjoyed it. Chances are, I'll watch it again sometime. I certainly wouldn't advise you against seeing it. But why would you make it?

The Dangers of the Telly...

2008-08-19T15:26:00.002+01:00

When we moved into our house, we couldn't get much reception on our telly. Not with the roof aerial, not with the little set top aerial. We couldn't get anything on the digi box.
And this was fine. Not a problem. We could watch DVDs, we could play with the Wii, it really wasn't a problem.
Then at the weekend, my parents came to stay. My dad fiddled and fiddled and tweeked and now we have all five channels. Which means we have the Olympics. And that we had the Olympics in time for the British "gold rush" over the weekend.
So now what happens? We come down in the morning, we switch the TV on and it stays on. All day. Pretty much. We do other things (Husbink goes to work sometimes!) but the TV just stays clicking away, telling us all kinds of things that we really need to know. Really.
I know that the all-day element will stop with the end of the Olympics but, well, hmm, what a time waster!

I Miss You

2008-08-14T11:55:00.002+01:00

One of the least fun things about all this moving is all the people you have to keep leaving.
One of the very best things about this move is that we are now in fairly easy reach of lots of lovely people - doctor/woman, snoo, associated husbands (hmm, I think Husbink should start a sports team or a quiz team or a support group or anything really called "associated husbands") and several more besides. But they are still a drive away or a train away or something other than a very quick pop.
It has helped spectacularly with the settling in to see doctor/woman and mr me on Saturday (they got to watch me do some un-flat-packing, lucky them) and to have an evening with Snoo and the Hub on Monday (despite the failure of the Wii to provide entertainment!). Not to mention that the ever wonderful Mr and Mrs SD came to help us move in (and brought us a spare fridge, as you do). But I want to see them more! I want to share car journeys to and from work with Mrs SD like we used to. I want to bump into the Hub on the crescent as we go to work in the mornings or come home in the evenings. I want to know that d/w is just down the road (even if, actually, I've probably spoken to her more in the past few months than we ever used to manage then!). No one lives where they used to anymore (if that makes any sense), that era has finished but...
I don't mean to be a big whinger. I've already been round to someone's house in this new city, a very kind and friendly older couple who took care of me on Sunday when I explored a strange new church (it was very different for me, I'm unlikely to settle there but it was a very refreshing change) and I know that I will find more people here. I know I'll meet them and they will be fabulous...I just don't want to have to leave any more people!
All the people in the Hutt that we've left behind, the people we've now left in Carlisle (admittedly with a couple of them it is just the case that we got in first, another few months and they'd've left us), all the people scattered across the UK...would you all like to come and live down the round from me again please? Thank you very much
xxx

Entirely Impossible...

2008-08-06T16:39:00.003+01:00

...but we did it!
We found out on Friday that we could move into our new house on Tuesday. We had to be out of our old house on Saturday morning so had a brief spell back at the in-laws (which included MiL's birthday, good timing! And good time). Then Tuesday morning we set off with a full van, a fairly full car and here we are in another new city. In a house full of boxes (thank goodness there is a sofa to sit on...there isn't anything else to sit on!) Husbink had to start work this morning (at 7.15am...which isn't too rude in the grand scheme of things but seems very rude for a first day). I'm not sure it is going well which is a little concerning but I think it is only not going well in an induction-days-are-soul-destroyers kind of way.
I have shifted boxes as much as possible. Washed up a lot of newsprint covered items. Pondered how we are going to fit all our kitchen stuff (and food) into the kitchen. It is a very good kitchen for surface space but not so much for cupboards...hmm.
Then I went to Asda. Turns out that Asda here is in a HUGE shopping complex which was really scary and confusing when the whole place is still scary and confusing. And then of course I had the whole "there's nothing to make you homesick like a supermarket" moment though I don't really know where I'm homesick for. Still, I managed to not actually cry...
And just now, I'm taking a little break and so in the sunshine. The most incredible rain is falling. I've actually had to check a couple of times to make sure it isn't properly flooding the yard, cos it is almost a pond already...

Challenge Anneka...

2008-07-26T11:15:00.003+01:00

I spend a lot of my life trying to get things done. Whether they be little, regular tasks like cleaning and food shopping or more major tasks like moving house (oh yes, it is that time again in the Adventuring household), I have more than a slight tendency to sing a little song to myself. A little song that goes like this.
I have a feeling I've even blogged about this theme song before, probably about a year ago when I was noticing all the little cultural references we made that no one in NZ understood and all the little references they made that left us completely lost. However, as I'm back at one of those slightly manic times of moving house Challenge Anneka rarely leaves me.
For those who don't know the glories of this 80s/90s UK TV treat, I'll sum up very briefly...
Each week Anneka had a challenge (no kidding) and had to rush about trying to...build a bridge, a new playground, a stage for a school play, a village hall... She spent a lot of time on the phone twisting suppliers arms to give her things for free as the budget was always too small. There was always a time limit...and Anneka "never" missed it! The quality of the projects was sometimes called into question but that's not the point is it?
We (being me, the lovely Ruth, her sis and...a few others???) used to rush about whenever we had something to do in a short time frame singing the theme song and giggling. The habit hasn't left me.
At the moment, I should probably be rushing about the house, singing that tune, trying to get my life packed up again for moving out of the house next Friday. Fortunately, we (almost certainly) have somewhere to move to in the next city of choice which is a big relief. I haven't even started working out how the stuff gets from here to there but I know we can survive off a car load for the first week at least.
So I should be rushing about but here I am writing a blog post for the first time in about three weeks...
You see, Husbink has gone jetting off to far flung places with Le Tart (he who is marrying Le Welsh in a few weeks) for the stag do. I did have a couple of plans for today but they have all come to naught. So today was never assigned as a packing day and thus any packing that is done is a bonus, thus I can fully justify a few hours of not packing, which is such a relief!
I have also just joined an online knitting community...I must resist spending ALL DAY looking at it...I must finish my tester socks before starting any new projects...I must not photograph all my projects to date and put pictures of them on the site...I must save myself something to do when I'm unemployed and friendless in a new city! (Oh, yeah, the best thing about our new house? There's a wool and sewing shop at the end of the street...Husbink is very, very scared. There is also a bakery opposite. Husbink is less scared!)

Blogging Without Agenda

2008-07-04T11:34:00.002+01:00

Normally when I sit down to blog, I have a plan or something similar...
Today, no plan. I do have another lake to tell you about but the camera is downstairs and my legs are very tired so I'm not going to do that now.
I do have very things on my mind but at this point none of them are bloggable. So I shall ramble and you shall feel like you've just survived a small flood. You have been warned.
I failed last week to blog about our anniversary and about how wonderful Husbink is. Truly. He is. The traditional fourth anniversary gift is fruit or flowers. Not the easiest thing (ok, so flowers is pretty easy, what I'm meaning is, not the easiest thing to spoil a Husbink with. I managed a bottle of wine and a bottle of posh fizzy fruit juice (so we could drink it before work you see) and a card with a bottle of wine on it...a theme?) Husbink laid white roses around the house, leading to a big bouquet of flowers. Then he presented me with wine (so we think quite similarly) and (perhaps best of all) a chocolate orange - cos it's fruit, right?
In the evening we went out for a lovely meal. Which was lovely.
The next day Husbink started nights which was not so lovely. However, the next day, the Saturday was an event I'd been looking forward to for months and months and months. Woolfest. It was amazing. If a little overwhelming. So. Much. Wool. And associated gubbins.
I spent quite a lot of money (but not as much as I had budgeted so that is ok surely?) and now have many exciting projects from bags to slippers to cushions to socks...awaiting me. Hurrah! I have also learnt (yes, the hard way) some lessons about different types of yarn this being my first real foray (sp?!) away from "whatever I can get from the market" (which is normally acrylic or nylon or easy knit wool). The only upsetting bit of this learning (snapping my new needles the day I bought them) has been solved by the every marvellous Husbink and so I need not cry.
The rest of the week has been...odd. There have been some lovely times of course (meals with friends, the big walk to be posted soon, some decent weather...) but everything is just a little...odd. The unsettling nature of our lives at the moment it taking its toll. I can tell because I'm going slightly mad. Things that should not bother me are bothering me. My tummy is also telling me it is a problem because I keep looking about 7 months pregnant. Which I'm not. Clearly. I keep reminding myself it is a challenge. I am yet to really believe myself or to find it much of a comfort.
Still, just now, my tummy is telling me it is lunch time and today lunch time means one of my absolute all time comfort meals - the three Ps...pesto, pasta and peas. I am a lucky girl!

The Bleugh Monster

2008-06-20T15:03:00.002+01:00

Yesterday and today, the Bleugh Monster has struck. The Bleugh Monster has been known by a number of names in the past, including Jeremy (I can't remember why anymore, and I must send sincere apologies to anyone called Jeremy...it isn't really fair.) Anyway, Bleugh Monster is at least a little more descriptive than Jeremy.
Yesterday, the Bleugh Monster turned up about half an hour after I got up. I knew he was on his way but he didn't seem to be causing too much issue. All of a sudden, wham, he was right there and I was lying on the floor, at Husbink's request narrowly avoiding a proper faint. I was so pale I'd turned a little green. I had no pulse at my wrists and when Husbink did finally find one it didn't make him very happy.
After a while on the floor I managed to make it back to bed, after a while in bed I managed to make it upright for long enough to be taken to the inlaws for the day so that someone could keep an eye on me the Bleugh Monster. I spent all day on the sofa, much of it asleep. I had to call in sick because of the Bleugh Monster. That is not something I find acceptable.
This morning...I felt ok. Fortunately it was a day off anyway. I got up with Husbink, saw him off to work and chilled out for a few hours, the Bleugh Monster hovering about but not making much impact. Until I tried to do a few too many things at once and there I was having to lie on the floor and stick my feet in the air again.
I've been upright for all of half an hour now and guess what? I need a lie down. It is a year tomorrow since I had surgery. I'd hoped the Bleugh Monster would be held down to only a bleugh monster for a little bit longer but apparently not. Now when we move to Yorkshire I'm going to have to look for jobs that don't mind that there are 2-3 days a month when I simply cannot work. On top of all my other ideal elements to a job, I think I'm going to be more than lucky to find something.

A potted history of the Lake District

2008-06-17T12:34:00.006+01:00

Since I last managed a post on the subject, we have ticked off three more lakes. Sadly, I fear we aren't going to complete our aim as we are very much running out of time for this summer - but seeing as the inlaws are so very close by, I'm sure we'll manage it over the next few years if nothing else.

We have been to: Coniston (with Mr & Mrs SD for a walk through the woods above the lake, a lovely cafe lunch (there was CAKE) and a poddle next to the lake (with the obligatory man-throwing-stones session); Wast Water was a slight cheat - we went for a bike ride near by and then drove to Wast, had our picnic, a little bit of a stroll, an ice cream...and then left - you can walk all the way round Wast but frankly we think you'd be mad to try (we did see a few people doing it) - one side is entirely scree (the the scree goes on for 900ft under the water too - so the chance of a sudden, cold death is...well, it is very much there, if not huge!); Buttermere for a gentle stroll and a BIG picnic with friends, a very pleasant day.

We've also, in a non-lakes way, had a day out in Dumfrieshire - who knew how beautiful it would be? We stopped at an RSPB place in the morning (though they've had no rain for the past however long so very few birds, but we did see roe deer...and deer were my very first very favouritest animal so I always get a little overexcited...). In the afternoon we went to Wigtown, Scotland's book town which was fun. Lots of books. I think we came home with eight. One for Husbink's dad for father's day. One comfort read/recipe book by Maya Angelou for me. A Sharpe novel that Husbink has been looking for for...years... and some "research" books for my project. Oh and some others...!

On the way home we stopped at a chambered cairn site which, as well as being quite cool in itself, gave beautiful views across Solway Firth. From this side, you would generally think there was no such thing as beautiful views across the firth so it was rather impressive!

Liiiiiiiight!

2008-06-10T20:22:00.002+01:00

Hello there...
So I'm awfully behind on actually writing all the posts that are in my head, particularly the three lakes we've ticked off since the last time I did a lakes post...ho hum.
But the post that wins for today is this...
In New Zealand, you don't get those really, really, really dark winter days that you get here. Even right down south it isn't as dark as most of the UK and certainly not as dark as Leeds was in the run up to Christmas.
The flip side of course is that you don't get those light, light, light evenings that you do here. And since I'm living the furthest north that I ever have it is quite an adjustment.
We haven't had the most amazing weather in the evenings here of late and yet it simply doesn't get dark. It is a little dingy this evening but I know that if I succumb and crawl into bed around 10.30 tonight without waiting for Husbink to get back from cricket, I'll switch the light off and...well, not a whole heap will happen. It'll be shady but the twinkle stars a previous occupant of the room kindly left on the ceiling will be struggling to be more visible than they are during the day.
It is brilliant. I love the long evenings and I'm getting used to the light mornings (it does seem like we only get about three hours of proper dark here at the mo but I'm sure it is a little longer than that...) and not waking up at 4.30am but as yet I don't feel like I'm making the most of it. At this time of year, I always feel the rush of June 21st upon me. I desperately want to make the best use of all this lovely light that we have so that I've got it stored up for December. I always think this will be the year that I decide to see ALL of the longest day, sunrise to sunset...but somehow it always falls on a day when I can't just set the alarm for crazy-o-clock. Next year... :)

Achievement

2008-06-03T16:56:00.002+01:00

Today, I have achieved something that I have been aiming towards for a long time...specifically for one year and and thirteen days, vaguely since I was about eight.
I'm sure this kind of achievement deserves celebration and Husbink ought to be taking me out on the town tonight. Unfortunately, he's going to play cricket and then go and do a night shift so I shall be all on my lonesome.
The other "unfortunately" is that the achievement is really just a gateway to another year of hard work. Then probably another.
Still, I thought I should mark the day somehow. :)
And remind myself that I am, one way or another, a useful human being.

An Overdue Rant

2008-05-27T16:36:00.004+01:00

As I think I mentioned, the other week we spent the weekend with Mad Medea and Husband. It was great. We had a lovely time and it was wonderful to see them after so long. Except. (What follows is a rant fully sanctioned by all those involved.)
On the Saturday, MM made a wonderful picnic and we chose a pretty little Cotswold village to eat it in. A pretty village by the name of Bibury. Bibury boasts the "prettiest row of cottages" in the Cotswolds (or something like that, I can't remember the exact phrasing) according to William Morris in 18-blah-de-blah.
Said cottages are now National Trust land although they do seem to be lived in as well. Bibury also has a river running through it and, according to the map, lots of green space. A wonderful setting for an afternoon of picnicking and perhaps a little strolling to look at all the beautiful places like the Saxon church, St Mary's.
On arrival, we discovered Bibury to be rather...full. This wasn't a huge surprise as it was a very sunny Saturday in the Cotswolds. We were not expecting a place to ourselves. We managed to squeeze the car into a space and set off to find a picnic spot.
It turned out that the large green area was ALL taken over by a trout farm. There was no where to sit without paying £3.50 for the privilege. Given the amount of water and the number of midges that seemed to be about the place, it didn't seem much of a privilege. We walked a little in the hopes of finding some countryside. We failed. We thought we'd just plonk down on any old patch of green but there was only one - and it suffered from the midges. Any bits of land not owned by the trout farm were private property of the big swanky hotel.
We thought in the end that we would go and sit outside the row of beautiful cottages. There was only a small strip of green and there were a lot of people but it was pretty - and much less midgy.
But oh no. Mr I Own Everything appeared and said no! No picnics here! It was National Trust land. There was no sign about the lack of picnicking opportunities. But we were not in the mood for an argument (shortly afterwards, I think we were but we let him away with it!).
There was no where left in Bibury, not a single place to sit - except on a stone wall on the edge of a busy foot path. We decided to move on.
Before doing so though, Bibury added one final nail to its coffin. I went to use the loo. I had to pay. I could only pay with a 20p piece. There was no change machine. I don't mind paying for the loo if it is a nice loo, if I can see why I'm paying for it because it is well maintained etc etc. It wasn't pleasant. It was dark and metallic and ugly and had one of those automated hand washer things. Hands here for soap, here for water, here for air. 1-2-3. I hate them.
So just as a recommendation, when you think you might go to Bibury, don't. Find a nice field with a pretty view instead.

Such a Disappointment

2008-05-25T18:44:00.002+01:00

One of the things we (ok, I) really missed while in NZ was the wonderful annual ritual of glitz, glam, sequins, silliness and suspense that is the Eurovision Song Contest.
The year before we went was possibly one of the best ever with Lordi's Hard Rock Hallelujah winning (though our favourite was Lithuania's We Are the Winners for extreme silliness). Even the UK entry that year was pretty comical with Daz Simpson's Teenage Life...
Last night, we watched in great anticipation having heard marvellous things of the Azerbijan rock opera entry and generally expecting the usual level of special entries and fun.
Like pulling teeth. It was so boring. Just pop song after pop song. Thank goodness for Latvia's sense of humour and Spain's...weirdness to brighten the evening.
Anyway, the biggest problem was this whole tactical voting thing. The UK song was actually pretty good this time round. Not being biased. Normally, the UK entrant can't sing, is bland, blah blah blah. Not so yesterday. But did the poor guy get any votes?! Well, one or two, but he came last. Joint last, with Poland.
And it just wasn't funny any more. Yes, we know the Balkans and the Baltics will all vote for each other but it has just become too ridiculous. Knowing exactly who everyone is going to vote for takes any fun out of the competition.
To top it all off, El Tel was firing definite warning shots (as Husbink puts it). If there is no Terry Wogan commentry next year, Eurovision will definitely not be getting my vote.

Hijacked by hormones

2008-05-19T13:42:00.002+01:00

So today and tomorrow are *my* days. Free days to get jobs done about the house but also do all those other things that I like to do and so on. Can I achieve one single thing? Can I 'eckers like!
My hormones have well and truly put paid to any idea of being a useful human being. Not because I'm in uncontrolable pain and need to just lounge about the house. No, I just can't summon up the emotional wherewithall to do anything but eat chocolate and mope. Oh, yippee.
Diagnosis Murder, tea and blankie here I come.

Rebranding

2008-05-19T08:43:00.002+01:00

One of the strange little things I noticed about moving countries (and more about moving this way, coming back to the "familiar"), is the slow persistent seep of rebranding your life.
Gone are the Pam's paracetamol and the Razene anti-histamines, replaced with Tesco and Boots own. We had almost reached the point of being entirely UK-ed on this front and then our shipping arrived. Everything wrapped up neatly in the Hutt News. How we miss the comedy letters pages!
We also have many things in our house that we are only used to seeing in their places in Tyndall Street and they jar each time we look at them.
I know we are starting to be incredibly boring. We talked before we left NZ and agreed that the last thing we wanted to do was become the people who spend all their time saying "In New Zealand...blah blah blah". We agreed that if that was the case after a while, it would be a good indication that our hearts really lay elsewhere.
For the first few months, it was acceptable. We hadn't done much here while waiting for jobs and all the rest of it and so to be able to join in conversations, most of our experience did come from NZ. Now we are both working and generally part of "life" a little more, we have other stories to call on. And yet...
Since everything has come together so well over the last month or so, it has sadly only served to highlight that we'd rather be somewhere else. That isn't to say we aren't enjoying life at the moment. We are having some really good times and it is great to be able to meet up with Mr & Mrs SD "just like that" or visit Mad Medea and Husband for the weekend or...these are all such good and important things. Everything is good here but we'd rather be somewhere else.
I know it is only four and a bit months since we left. I know we have to give it longer (and with Husbink's new job, we are going to be forced to give it longer). I know that this could all change and that in a year or two, NZ will be fond memories but not such a drag on our hearts. Right now though, I just want to get on that plane. I don't want to be church hunting when the church I want to go to is Knox. I don't want to be househunting in Yorkshire when I want to live in Waiwhetu. I don't want to go to Tesco when I'd rather be going to Countdown.

The answer is...

2008-05-16T16:08:00.001+01:00

Big News from Summer Holiday...

And I so much am going to spend birthday money on the DVD now!

It's My Birthday And I'll Blog If I Want To

2008-05-16T15:04:00.003+01:00

Indeed it is and indeed I do!
I'm having a lovely day (and had a lovely early birthday with Husbink's family yesterday). I feel like a spoilt child.
Today, having woken up very early (which actually doesn't have much to do with being my birthday and a lot to do with having woken up early all week because of the light), Husbink eventually gave in and brought me my presents. There was a selection of books (that I wouldn't have chosen myself, to challenge and expand my reading habits!), a selection of DVDs (thanks to Mad Medea for the suggestion of a particularly silly one...) and a box of my (probably) favourite chocolates - Thorntons Summer Collection. Yum! Thus far I've eaten the one I thought I'd like least and it was melt in the mouth gorgeous.
Despite my continual whinging for the past however long (months and months I think), I had not twigged that Husbink would buy me Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Duh-duh-diddle-de-duh-duh!Double disc version. Original Theatrical Version. (As well as silly additional scenes twentieth anniversary version...) The reason the original is SO important? The Ewok Music at the end of Jedi. None of this crazy pan-pipe, doesn't fit with the action at all silliness. Ahhhhh...
Husbink also got me tickets to see Paul Merton and his Impro Chums in a few weeks. Those of you who know about the bunny slippers/dambusters sketch will be able to imagine just how excited I am. If you don't know about it...well, next time I see you, ask for a re-enactment. Or if I won't be seeing you look on YouTube, maybe it is there. Or maybe you don't care. But it's my birthday. ;)
Husbink's family took me out for dinner last night which was extremely yummy. We stopped at their house on the way back for presents. SiL gave me some lovely bamboo needles and a good knitting reference book. The PiL gave me a sewing machine (that came with many additions - a carry case, a bag of fifty different threads, lots of scissors, gadgety bits...), a mountain biking in the Lakes map and (possibly my favourite present) a packet of spring onion seeds. Favourite present because it showed how attentive they'd been to a few passing comments of mine and that is really special.
My mum is buying part of my present in a few weeks time when they go to Brugges as there is a handbag she wants to buy me (also really special for long winded reasons) but I did receive a really cool present from them today too...a Red Letter Day...at a Falconry centre where I get to handle and fly hawks and falcons and see lots of owls and so on too! A little bit scary but cool too!
My bro rang. Now that we are back here, that doesn't happen so much so was really really cool. They were playing with their new Wii while chatting which was very entertaining.
And then I've just had lots of lovely cards and messages and generally feel loved. Ahhhhhh.
And I've had time to bake and start learning how to use my sewing machine.
All of which has led to a great day but not much of an interesting blog post! Like I said though, it's my birthday....

Big news, big news!

2008-05-08T08:51:00.003+01:00

I've tried to blog in the last few weeks, truly I have, but I've lacked vocabulary to achieve it. Still, here I am as I thought an update really was necessary with all the changes that have occurred in the Adventuring household of late.
The first being that we are indeed a household again having moved into our onw place on Saturday. It was all just a touch crazy as Husbink decided to have flu Friday-Monday so mostly I did the moving but there we are with our own roof (and more to the point own kitchen, I have missed cooking!) and everything. It is a short term let as the landlords want to get it back into the student pattern and that suited us fine.
The next bit of news is that I have a job, three days a week in a lovely outdoors shop in town. I had been interviewed about four weeks ago but turned down as the other candidate actually had relevant experience! However, the other candidate then changed their mind. One thing and another meant that I wasn't told this until last Wednesday. I had a wee chat with them on Thursday and I started on Tuesday. Wednesday was an utterly crazy day as I was also offered another job (working for a PCT with a 40 minute commute each way...there were several problems with this job!!). I'd just concluded that I would not get short term work in Carlisle and then two jobs come along, crazy!
The final piece of news is that Husbink has one of these magical mystical training jobs that we'd all but given up on. What's more, it is in Yorkshire (we can't be more specific yet) and so that puts us back nice and near doctor/woman & mr me, Snoo & the Hub and all kinds of other lovely people - as well as just generally being closer to most of the world than we are in Carlisle. Though I will be sad to leave Carlisle and the Lakes so soon. It took me a little bit of getting used to but I'm in the zone now...another fresh start looms!

PS a special prize to anyone who knows what song I'm singing having written that title...

Around Derwent Water...Plus a bit!

2008-04-17T09:39:00.006+01:00

(Ellie - I'm really sorry if this makes you home/holidaysick...I'll try to not do too many more Derwent Water posts!)

On Tuesday, Husbink had a day off (they'd made a rota boooooob and he was on many, many days in a row) so we decided to go adventuring.

After some qualms over the weather, we ended up driving to Keswick and making our final decision on which walk once we arrived. It turned out to be a gorgeous day in Keswick (though when we were driving home in the evening we heard that just a few miles up the road from where we live there had been severe snow and hail storms, lots of road chaos and accidents! Mad!) so we felt we could risk a bit of "up" on the walk rather than just walking round Derwent Water.

The walk ended up rather longer than we'd intended (around ten miles) as we did the "up" and the "round".

We went up on the east side of Derwent Water (i.e. not the Cat Bells side for those that know it) but we took a wrong turn and didn't quite make it to the heights we'd intended, we were aiming for High Seat but suddenly realised that we were descending again. The walk up was very steep on a section of path that was made of big higgledy-piggledy stone steps. We were overtaken at the top by a couple at least thirty years older than us and their little dog. They were not even "glowing", we could barely breathe.

The steps passed up the side of a stream with lots of beautiful bits of waterfall. To our right was good sturdy English wood.

At the top we were above the trees, on open fell land with scrubby grasses and the beginnings of streams. We had an amazing view of Derwent Water and Bassenthwaite Lake - all the way to the wind farm in the distance (which my MiL hates...I'm pondering doing a series of photos of how beautiful wind farms can be...). As we stood admiring all this, a HUGE plane appeared beneath us - they often do fighter pilot training round the lakes but this appeared to be a supply plane or similar, it was quite incredible as it appeared out of no where.

The next section of the walk took us a little out of our way and further from the lake than we'd really intended though it did have its rewards - the woods we were walking through were gorgeous - mossy tree trunks, rocky outcrops - and we stumbled upon our second set of falls for the day, all the better for being a little more removed from the beaten track. We also met a mountain lion...well, a fluffy white cat that seemed utterly out of place but extremely friendly!

We eventually made it back to the edge of Derwent Water and decided that seeing as we were already at the southern tip, we might as well make it all the way. The last section was a little bit of a slog as we were getting just a little tired but well worth the sense of achievement to finish the walk.

We caught the ferry back to Keswick from Nichol End (you can't quite get round the top end without going a long way from the lake) and arrived back to the car utterly wiped out but very happy.

I'm not sure if I've said in a previous post, but our aim is to visit every lake in the district this summer. We've been umming and ahhing over what the rules are and what counts as a visit but we are now decided: 1) We have to "do" something substantial there - a driveby or a ten minute stroll does not count 2) we must touch the water - little fingers acceptable!

So Derwent is done. We thought Ullswater was done but having added the "must touch" rule, a return trip is required!

These are a few of my favourite things...

2008-04-04T19:26:00.002+01:00

(Because, frankly, I've been in quite a big sulk the last few days. I'm sick to the back teeth of all this stupid unknown crap and ridiculous NHS-controling-our-lives thing. So I thought I'd do some active "happy thoughts"...)

1. My shiny (well, actually, very mat) new walking shoes. They aren't proper boots, just posh trainers. They were reduced from £70 to £20. Best of all? While they are respectable and sensible and navy blue and grey on the outside...on the inside, they're bright red!

2. Elderflower cordial/elderflower presse. Just yum. Makes up for missing lemon, lime & bitters, except it isn't quite as easily available.

3. Knitting. All the time. Husbink's sis is a big knitter now too and is encouraging me to more adventurous things!

4. Home & Away. It makes me happy. I love a bit of melodrama.

5. Baking. As has been the case for quite some time. I do love baking.

6. My new tops. I got home to discover that, on the whole, the clothes I left behind 18 months previously had been left behind for good reason. I don't exactly have cash to throw about the place at the moment but have managed a few new tops of late. They all make me happy.

7. My random voluntary job in the fair trade shop in town. I walked in...and didn't walk out! It keeps me occupied and hopefully if I find some paid employment, I can then do some interesting work for them as they have a resource centre thingy too.

8. My FiL's Micra. I am now insured on this as well as mine & Husbink's car. It is a banger. Literally. There are weird noises... But somehow, I'm really rather taken with it

9. Swingball. Husbink and I played swingball for an hour or so last Sunday. Things went from REALLY BAD to quite ok actually.

10. That Dr Who is back on Saturday night. Admittedly, having just seen the Christmas episode for the first time, I'm a little concerned...it was very silly...but I have faith!

Lanty's Tarn & Keldas

2008-03-29T16:56:00.004Z

I've had a busy, busy week seeing lots of lovely people. Husbink has had a busy, busy week being at work! (Which is going well, he has joined the cricket team :) )

Today, we decided to start on our plan for the next few months and visit every lake in the Lake District. We haven't made any particular rules about this except that driving past in the car doesn't count, we have to do something...

We had been planning a proper big(ish) walk to try out various new bits and pieces but the weather forecast didn't look too promising so we didn't leap out of bed at the crack of dawn to get underway. Instead, we ambled out around 10.30 (when it was still not raining) and drove to Glenridding on the edge of Ullswater (tick number one!).

The walk itself was a good 'un, not too long or too hard but interesting enough and we certainly are feeling the effects of the fresh air (even if we did away all the good effects of the walk with the HUGE hot choc we had when we got down again, it had been raining...)

There were beautiful views of Ullswater and Helvellyn - still with snow above about 500m. We saw a red squirrel just as we were approaching Keldas and on Lanty's tarn there were three goosander (brilliant for the name if nothing else!) and a comedy heron (perching in a pine tree). (Aside: I went with Mrs SD to the RSPB place at Leighton Moss on Thursday (great day, the place but of course more seeing Mrs SD) and saw a spoonbill, lots of shovellers and a crested grebe. You'll all be very relieved to know I didn't have the camera then!)

There were two beautiful becks on the walk, clear bubbling water bouncing its way down to the lake. The deep greens of the mosses along the walk was glorious too, especially against the dull mist of the day.

We did get a little soggy on the second half of the walk as the clouds finally gave way and the weatherman got what he'd predicted but it wasn't so unpleasant as to be a problem - and justified the aforementioned hot choc!

I can't think of many things worse...

2008-03-26T21:59:00.002Z

The best thing about being on a plane? Especially a long haul flight? All that time in which you can just be - watch films, read a book, listen to music, comedy, do puzzles...whatever! The time is yours and yours alone (okay, alone with lots of other people...but they can't steal the time!)
And now? Mobile phone use has been approved by for use on planes in Europe. Yeah, it is a still a long way off and it will take airlines a wee while to get sorted and blah blah blah blah blah and of course I can (and will) continue to switch my phone off on the plane but that isn't going to stop all the other eejits is it?
Why couldn't they just lie (like large sections of hospitals) and say it was all too dangerous and don't do it?!

(Note: It *may* be the case that actually something else really pissed me off before I read the article on this. It *may* be the case that venting over mobile phones on planes is easier than on what has actually bothered me.)

We Wish You A Merry Easter

2008-03-24T19:10:00.007Z

Once again I find myself having written plenty of blogs in my head but none actually on the compooper. Ah well, I fear such is life.

It has been a lovely snowy Easter up here in the wild northern reaches of the UK (and I gather probably a lot more snowy in many other areas). We've woken to a beautifully icing-sugared lawn two out of the last three mornings and the hills (for no longer do any of the peaks in the lake district count as mountains - cue Hugh Grant film...) are lovely and white - some are WHITE others are patchy white, lovely and mottled.

My parents visited over the weekend which was good but tiring.

Today we went out with the ever delightful Snoo and Hub, sampling the delights of Cockermouth, a marvellous tea room (cake, cake, CAKE) and a very bank holiday Keswick. I'd never been to Cockermouth before (though it had always appealed). It is a very pretty little town, in quite a rural, working sort of way. We wandered the main street for a while (enjoying a very good toy shop...I always want lego...and playmobil...stunted childhood?!) before heading out of town to a tea room at a working farm. Fantastic. I was very giddy to be seeing Snoo and Hub and then to see so much cake too...I was a little silly...

We headed to Keswick to achieve a few things but also to go down to the lake and enjoy the snow-topped hills and the sparkling water. Sadly it turns out I wasn't getting on so well with the camera so the pictures really don't do it justice.

Tomorrow, Husbink starts work. Maybe I will hear from the agency too. How much do I not want to!? But doing something would be good...

Supreme Silliness

2008-03-13T14:07:00.002Z

My dad alerted me to the joys of this particular site and its silliness...enjoy!

There's plenty more where that came from if you click here

Tidings of Comfort and Joy

2008-03-12T20:05:00.002Z

Husbink has a job! No, not one of those big proper jobs with the training and everything that we came back to the UK for but a fourth month, see us through kind of job. A job that is perhaps rather further up the ladder than he'd expected (he applied for one job, got interviewed for a different one, all a bit crazy) so he's chuffed, scared and confused in probably equal measures.
It does not solve many of our current concerns in one sense but it is very good to feel like something is happening and we may not be trapped in the vortex forever.
I may also have a job. I've seen a recruitment agency, they were very positive, but because I don't want to start work until after Easter they currently don't have anything. They expect though that next week they will have something for me to start when I want. Which is all rather good. I think. Much as I may not want to work in an office ever, ever again, doing something will definitely be good for me. Oooh, and I had an hour and a half in an empty house today. It was so good!
So now we can enjoy our weekend in Leeds and our few days in Cambridge without needing to feel any great guilt at being so slack and all. Hurrah!
(Oh and the title? Well, a little unseasonal but so is my FIL's tendency to go around whistling Good King Wenceslas at the moment...)

It's all about me!

2008-03-06T21:56:00.003Z

One of the things which was marvellous about our time in New Zealand (amongst a long list of things) was the amount of time I got to myself on a routine basis.

I am an introvert in the sense that my energy comes from time on my own. I like to be with people. I love meeting new people, sitting down with old friends for big chin wags, the occasional big party... I am very happy standing up in front of large numbers of people and speaking, leading, whatever... But if I don't get time on my own I break.

Husbink's work pattern in NZ meant that I had a lot of time to myself. I knitted. I baked. I read. I prayed. I cleaned. I thought. I wrote. I walked. I pottered. I cycled. I achieved.

I'm now at about the two month mark since we moved out of our house, started that last adventure and found ourselves back in the UK. In those two months, I've snatched an hour here, an hour there...but the cracks are more than beginning to show. Combine the lack of alone time with all the unknowns about the future and the like and I'm beginning to look like one hell of a crazy lady.

I don't like that this is the case. I don't mean I don't like that I'm going slightly mad, that should be obvious enough. What I mean is, I don't like that I have to be this "demanding". Husbink often makes jokes about me being high maintenance. The jokes relate to the whole preening aspect (my last hair cut was 9 months ago...I haven't bought shoes in about a year...my skincare routine is slapdash...) but in this respect, the alone time, the introversion, it is a very true statement. I really, really need it and if I don't get it, all kinds of hysterics ensue.

A few nights ago, we returned to Husbink's parent's after a few days in Scotland for Husbink's interview (we will not hear anything until March 26th at the earliest but it could be mid-end April). I thought the few days away would have boosted my coping ability a bit - I even had an hour and a half to myself while Husbink was at his interview. Instead it seems that that little taster of what I need was too much and I really shut down on return to a house with five people in it...the panic attack was barely below the surface and I really wasn't sure that my body could actually handle it. All I wanted to do, on a cold, wet, windy night, was sit in the garden by myself for hours and hours and hours. I've come out of it a little over the past few days and can hold conversations again. Just.

I feel desperately self-centred for being like this and it feels feeble to realise that one of the reasons I was so happy (and more to the point increasingly healthy (though clearly there were other things at play their too)) in NZ was all this time for me. How selfish can you get?!

I have managed to veer away from the impulse to run home to my mum (who I could then in no uncertain terms tell to leave me alone and only speak to me once a day) but it does feel like a very thin line I'm walking just now.

Keeping On With Whatever

2008-02-28T10:28:00.002Z

I've tried to blog a few times in the last week. I have one half written post that I hope I'll finish one day but I know that now is really not the time so...here I am, attempting to fill you in, keep you amused, something like that.

Life is a big long waiting game at the moment and I am not good at doing nothing. However, once I start doing nothing the lethargy sets in very fast and I find it hard to do anything...

There have been some good times in the past week or so. Husbink's birthday was good (except that going out by ourselves did allow me to vent more than I can around here and so there was a half hour interlude of floods of tears in a pub...). We saw "Be Kind, Rewind" which was no where near as funny as all reviews had led us to believe but still a pleasant way to pass some time. We also ate a good meal in vaguely comedy circumstances - we moved table three times in the restaurant for one reason and another...

We have seen friends. Two friends from Leeds who are now in Carlisle allowed us to watch the rugby with them (despite them not liking rugby at all, bless them). They also took us to their church the next morning which was good - very interesting use of building (used to be a shop).

We have seen Husbink's best man (in the pub, where else would we see him?). It was very good to chatter with him and Husbink assures me I only cramped their style a little bit. Hopefully he is taking us climbing on Friday which will be very good. As long as we don't disappoint him with our badness. He does caving and the like all over Europe so is a bit good...

Yesterday we spent the day with le welsh and le tart in Manchester (we had to go to Manchester to visit the GMC...they wouldn't believe that Husbink was who he said he was without a visit...but at least it means he can work again). We had a very lovely day wandering and eating and mooching and drinking.

Today we are back to the waiting game. Husbink has an interview on Monday for all of Scotland. That is the only interview so all chance of a job rides on this. We swing from optimism to pessimism to who-gives-an-ism with regular abandon.

Ah well, what can you do?

Home is Where?

2008-02-21T21:45:00.002Z

When I last returned from an overseas expedition in November 2003, I struggled for some months to establish where home was. Not that I pined for any of the countries specifically that I had spent time in as they had been such brief visits, but having no particular home (and Husbink at that time staying in hospital accom wherever he was based) left me feeling baseless. It was too long since I had lived at my parents for Cambridge to feel like home. Husbink was technically not yet Husbink (in that it was still 7 months until our wedding) so his parents home was definitely not yet a home. Leeds had friends in it but neither of us had an abode there.

After about two weeks, I had a brief time when I suddenly left at home - sitting on the sofa of Mr & Mrs Scouse Dangermouse drinking tea. The next few months were drifty but with an upcoming wedding and the like, it was pretty easy to put roots down and get settled back into the Leeds life.

Now...

My natural instinct is to refer to Hutt as home. Cambridge remains not home, Carlisle (where we currently are) remains not home. And there are no other homes. Again, a visit to the home of Mr & Mrs SD last week and a day with them on Saturday aided the feeling of homeliness, they're good like that. If home is where the heart is, then home is very fragmented indeed. If home is where the Husbink is then I'm doing ok. If home is having a roof over your head, then I know I am blessed to have this, provided by friends and family even if I cannot currently provide my own.

I think though that home is less tangible than any of these things (even being where the heart is, when the heart is so torn) and it will be some time before I find it a comfortable word to use.

Texting

2008-02-18T10:00:00.002Z

It is strange what is hard when moving countries and the like...

While we were in NZ we had a cell phone. We used it to text our friends and to call people. There is nothing very unusual in this I realise. However, we didn't use it anywhere near as much as I, at least, used to use my mobile in the UK. In NZ, we'd go for days without using the phone and sometimes I'd forget where it was or leave it on silent for days on end an fail to notice messages. In the UK, that would not have happened. And so, in a very strange way, texting people with my new number has been one of the hardest things I've had to do since returning to the UK. Somehow that act of sending out my new number has been the thing that has made this move feel most final.
As neither of us have jobs or any certainty about the future, it is very easy to pretend that we are currently on holiday, seeing our family, catching up with friends, enjoying the novelty of very frosty mornings in the beautiful Lake District. There are few things that ground us in reality. Even buying a car, being something rather alien to us as we have previously done quite well at inheriting, has been rather unreal and certainly ungrounding. Yet the act of texting, of having a number, makes it somehow much more solid, much more like this is really what is happening.
So I've found myself picking up my phone and putting it down again numerous times before managing to text anyone. I've still only made it perhaps a third of the way through my phone book. If that. Weird, huh?
So, yeah, still in denial about leaving New Zealand. Ho hum.

Photo Journalism

2008-02-12T16:57:00.000Z

At long last, here is the holiday post. My brain is still somewhere else (mostly through having a cold rather than jetlag now but...hmm....yuck...) so this will be a LOT of photos and a few words. Hope you enjoy. :)

Our first campsite was not too many hours from home but just far enough to know we were on holiday. And it came with a swing and a lake view. Good-o.

The journey the next day took us past Mt Ruapehu. Always good to see.

We made our way to Waitomo where we saw caves, gloworms and giant angora bunnies. Good times.

Raglan is a chilled out surfing town with artsy fartsy bits on the side. And beautiful sunsets.

We made our way to Northland and set up camp in Paihia for five nights. We had beautiful weather for a few days in which we swanned about and didn't manage much. Then just as we felt like really exploring, the weather turned against us. We made it out to Urupukapuka island for a day trip and walked pretty much the coastline of the island. sandy beaches one side, big cliffs t'other. Oyster catchers too. We also managed to visit Treaty House at Waitangi, the site of the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi - the starting point for modern New Zealand and Maori/Pakeha relations. The butterfly kept me entertained while Husbink spent double the time in the museum as I did. This is normal.

We moved on from Paihia and went further north staying in Kaitaia for a few days so that we could do a tour of the far north, taking in Cape Reinga with its lighthouse, the meeting of the Tasman Sea and Pacific Ocean, sand dune tobogganing, and Ninety Mile Beach (really it is more like 90km but who is complaining? It's a beach that is also a state highway, what more do you want?)

We made our way down the west coast of Northland. It was beautiful. Hokianga Harbour and around was gorgeous. We also saw the giant Kauri trees. Not as tall as Californian redwoods but they go straight up, no tapering so they are just this huge, huge mass. You can just see me at the bottom of the picture to give perspective.

Heading down the country again, we stopped at Parachute festival for a day to meet up with lots of friends and see our friend Kez perform. He was great.

We made our way further south and visited the site of Hobbiton from the Lord of the Rings. We didn't do the tours, just stopped for a coffee and a few photos. Driving round the whole area looked so much like The Shire. Which led to a lot of "ssssssshhhhhiiiiiiire" and "bagginsssssssssssss" mutterings from both of us.

And that was that. Our final jaunt done and dusted. It was a good one. More relaxed than sometimes. As beautiful as ever.

Back

2008-02-10T18:54:00.000Z

That's about as far as my brain can get at the moment. I have many things I'd like to post about (not least the holiday photos that haven't made it up yet) but they will have to wait one more day at least...
Journeys were all as good as they could be really and I did get some sleep on the last flight but having brought home a cold from Singapore to add to the jetlag I feel rather rotten. But ok too. It was rather a shock to arrive. With all that was going on leaving a country and getting everything home and all the rest of it I had rather failed to understand that we were actually going to arrive. I realise this makes little sense, not many of the things I have thought or felt over the last week or so have really made sense but I have reached the point of just accepting all that I feel and not attempting to analyse or process - at least not yet. I suspect (being me) that analysis will flow very readily once the time comes...
(A quick aside for those who might be tempted to make contact now we are back - both our mobiles are deceased having not been topped up for over a year. I'm sure we'll come up with a solution but it won't be for a while.)

Just a quick 'un

2008-01-31T19:41:00.000Z

There is a huge amount to say, not least all the holidaying and subsequent photo parade but also all the emotions and thoughts and...
However, that will all have to wait as I have neither the time nor the brain to really do any of it justice right now. Once back in England, cold and unemployed, I should get a few more posts out there!
For now, it will have to suffice to say that we had a marvellous holiday (only slightly blighted by cyclone Funa) and it is good to be back in the Hutt. We've managed to get most jobs sorted now and will hopefully be able to enjoy our last few days.
I'm utterly exhausted at the moment and probably need about three weeks sleep but that isn't going to happen quite yet!
This afternoon we are embarking on a final Wellington adventure - going to the Rugby 7s. Very excited, or I would be if I were a little more awake, though not sure our costumes (morris dancers) are quite up to scratch...
Hope all is well with all of you. More soon ;)

Relaxing?

2008-01-12T01:42:00.000Z

So, here we are, 48 hours (and a bit) since leaving our house and the Hutt for our final NZ adventure.
We haven't quite worked out being relaxed yet. Husbink has (until about twenty minutes ago) been having to sort out the whole applications nightmare. This involved several hours at church (using their printer, scanner, internet...) before leaving home, more phone calls to Husbink's parents in the last week than in the previous six months, various times of being on the internet when we should be enjoying the country and a general sense of not having quite managed to chill out yet.
Anyway. It is done now. Five applications. Five deaneries. Five possible jobs. We shall see. And now, we can start thinking about this holiday of ours.
We spent a chilly night in Wanganui (we picked a picturesque but stooopid place to pitch our tent - lovely lake views...wind tunnel!) on Thursday which got us a few hours from home. Friday we made our way to Waitomo which is where we are now. You are meant to do all kinds of crazy activities in Waitomo, based around the various caves and the like. You are meant to abseil and climb and cave and black water raft and and and. We have not and are not going to. Which is kind of a shame - Husbink couldn't do it because of the injured foot (not sure if I've mentioned that at all) but even if he had been able to, I'm not sure I had the oooooooomph for it.
Instead, we are taking the easy route. This morning we went to a cave and looked at stalactites and stalagmites and say oooh a lot, as you are meant to. We also did a wee bush walk that was also very "ooh".
This afternoon, we go to discover the glowworms in their cave and then, after that, we shall try to see some in the bush tonight once it has gotten dark enough. All good stuff.
Hopefully, we shall also find some calm in the next few hours. And start to realise that we are on holiday. And that life is indeed good.

And so it happens

2008-01-08T23:02:00.000Z

We have entered the time of farewells, of final things, of frantic activity.

Yesterday afternoon we went to Husbink's work as they had organised a farewell tea for him. It was lovely to hear some of the things his colleagues had to say about him and to see how highly they valued him and how much they will miss him. He would never, ever, ever blow his own trumpet so I thought I should do a little bit for him.

In the evening, various friends came over for some "legal looting" and took away lots of our food and little bits and pieces. Which was fun. :) Husbink was a great auctioneer - considering that everything was going away free!

This morning, the Salvation Army came and took most of our furniture away. We are now waiting on the washing machine man. Tonight, some friends are coming and taking the last of our possessions. Tomorrow, we will leave a few boxes with friends and head off on our last kiwi adventure.

There have been tears already and I know there are heaps more to come. I'm looking forward to the adventure (of course) and know that it will help prepare me for the final departure in just under a month's time.

It is difficult to comprehend going home when we have no concrete plans to return to. Husbink has so far managed four applications for those big nasty jobs that don't start until August anyway... Our internet connection gets switched off this time tomorrow. The applications have to be in at the weekend so this is his last chance pretty much. Hopefully he'll get to six applications and then we simply have to wait and see. Wait and see.

Feeling Helpless - Again

2008-01-06T03:31:00.000Z

I've been wanting to post this for a few days but the website in question was down and I didn't want to post until the link would work...

So, as you may recall, Husbink and I watched Hotel Rwanda a little while ago and were overwhelmed by the sense of helplessness and shame that it brought on. Most significantly, we both said "surely if this happened, and we knew, we'd do something..."

And so this week we found ourselves sitting down and saying "this is awfully close to happening again, what are we going to do?"

The story that grabbed our attention and made us think this and discuss this was of course Kenya. As the number of stories increased and the nature of those stories worsened from the initial "a few killed in protests" kind of stories to the "church burnt down as people took refuge, over half those dead were children" kind of stories, we felt we had to try to do something.

Following my fling with Burma (I try to keep up with developments - or the lack there of - but as predicted at the time, it is hard), I am on the mailing list for www.avaaz.org and they tend to be pretty good at telling me what I should be doing about any given conflict. I couldn't find anything on their website but the next day they sent out this link and offered advice on how to help.

At this point, that advice is to write to your foreign minister (the link makes this very easy for you, only a very few clicks of buttons) urging them to avoid recognising the newly "elected" government in Kenya until an independent review has been carried out. Premature recognition of the government would make it much harder for a new election to be held and the situation defused.

It doesn't feel like much at all but perhaps it is what is needed at this point?!

Keeping Going

2008-01-04T19:11:00.000Z

Ugh.
I'm packing. I'm packing four different ways - what we are leaving behind/giving away; what we are shipping home; what we are taking on holiday; what we are taking home but not taking on holiday (basically read BIG JUMPERS there)...
We have six days left in the house (if you count today and the day we leave).
As well as the packing, sorting and cleaning required for leaving the house, Husbink has to apply for those pesky proper jobs that don't start until August within the next week. Hoo-bloody-rah.
I didn't sleep last night. This was mainly due to not being able to get comfy because of my tetanus injection the other day. Once I couldn't sleep though, of course my brain did not shut down. Not a jot of it. I wasn't particularly worried about anything or stressing, I simply couldn't stop thinking. Some of it was only about Harry Potter... The lack of sleep wasn't aided by the bit when I did get some decent sleep (between about 4am and 6am) being woken up by our crazy neighbours who do their washing at 4am and hang it out sometime between 5.30am and 6.30am. It was about 5.45am this morning. They are (it seems) both deaf and shout a lot. But that is ok. What is not ok is their clothes line. It is a whirlygig as I'd call it and it squeaks. A lot. And this morning they seemed to be playing some kind of game that involved spinning it. Oh what fun.
So anyway, by the time I got up, I was not in a great frame of mind. Husbink managed to soothe me for a while but then had to go to work at 10.30. The soothing lasted quite well but I now seem to have lost it again.
In some ways, the problem is that I can't quite finish anything - we still need most of our kitchen stuff, there are clothes still hanging on the line, we are still using our bed (and thus bedding)...So I have many half full boxes that I can't do anything with.
I'm stuck at home waiting for someone who has bought a heater off me on trademe to get in touch. I feel guilty that I'm not at our friends house helping them build a fence but kind of figure that I have enough jobs of my own on today. But have convinced myself they don't see it that way.
BLEUGH.
Going to eat muffins.

What a difference a year makes?

2008-01-01T22:00:00.000Z

This year, I have been closer to actual resolutions than for a long time. For all of about ten minutes, there were a few well formed, snappy sentences in my head that could have been set down as resolutions rather than long-winded thoughts expressing a basic idea. They went (the well formed sentences) and don't seem to be interested in returning so, as you can already see, I'm back to my more usual evaluation of the year and vague ideas of things to change in the future.

I thought I'd read the post from a year ago before starting and frankly, with a few small changes, I could just re-post it. Before looking at it, I was even considering using what turned out to be the title of last year's post...

2007 was great. Up there as one of the best years of my life and certainly the best year of our life. There were some lower points (the stress of visas and the mad landlady and trying to find to this house and all that should not be swept aside as if everything was peachy all the time). It was not a perfect year (had it been, the only thing to do would be some kind of Thelma & Louise driving off "into the sunset" because if you've had the perfect year, where do you go next?). It was, however a very good year.

A few significant things of 2007...

Holidays with parents and with the Scouse Dangermice. Both times were excellent breaks, more enjoyment of this beautiful country and great time with special people.

The decision to stay on in NZ for this extra was a pretty big one, you might say! We ummed and ahhed and here we are. I would not change that decision for anything. I miss people of course but staying on has allowed a number of things to happen, not least the next point.

The surgery. For me, this has actually become a highlight of the year. Yes, it was not fun. The prep beforehand was horrid, the pain after was unpleasant (but not dreadful) and I have some slightly peculiar scars now. Overall though, the positive is by far the winner. I am still reaping the benefits of the surgery (I can eat all kinds of things again, my periods are heading towards "normal", I have a lot more energy). On top of that, the enforced time out was very, very good for me. I'm not keen to have that surgery again of course but it was a good thing.

Being able to spend some quality time with my brother both here and in Sydney - and we even have one more trip lined up to see him and his wife on the way home. Very good.

Speaking at the Women's Retreat for church. It was a new experience to do a couple of connected talks rather than just a stand alone talk. It was also a great time with people of that I knew or didn't know so well.

Finally for this bullet pointy section, the consolidation of our friendships here. We have gone from being a novelty (and thus invited to lots of things) through a slightly dry patch to being normal and having proper friendships. Some of our friends have been planning their OE (Overseas Experience as they call years out/travelling here) for a while now and it means we know that they will come to see us (wherever we are) in August or September.

So where does it all leave me for 2008? My aim for 2007 (as it also was for 2006, but in a slightly different way) was to "have more fun". As I said at the time, this did not mean being self-centred and uncaring but instead living in the moment, appreciating all the blessing that I have, being available for people, making the most of opportunities and above all, not worrying and stressing my life away.

I've made progress on this front. I have taken many experiences by the scruff of the neck and done the best with them that I can. I have become a calmer, less worried person. But there is still a lot of work to do! I went into meltdown on Saturday over the whole jobs when we get home thing. I need to reach a point where I don't do that. Yes, I can justify it, it is a pretty big thing on the horizon and all that but it is not the way to live. If I believe God has a plan for my (and our) life (lives), worrying and fretting and stressing is not the right way to behave. I do believe that, but I have to remind myself day in day out that it is out of my control but that is ok. I know when I have gone too far from being organised and getting things done and making it possible for God's plan to come into action to trying to control that plan and allow the stress in - I get sick. Within 24 hours, my body gives up a bit (in reasonably spectacular fashion sometimes) and I know the stress was the cause. It's a pretty clear (and not very fun) indicator of where my stress levels are. The fact that I can say when it has happened over the past while is a sign that it is not as rife as it was a year or two ago when it would have been far more frequent and harder to count. By this time next year, I'd like to not be able to remember when the last meltdown was.

There are other hopes that I have for the next year, hopes that I will remember everything I've learnt and worked out while I've been here. That I will hold firm to my faith. That good intentions started now will continue in changed circumstances.

It's been a good year; it could be an even better year.

Social Interactions

2007-12-29T23:59:00.000Z

Over the past few days, I've had a couple of slightly random moments of social interaction.

First up, the owners of our house have been back in NZ over Christmas for the first time in a good few years and wanted to look round and do a bit of work on the house. They are very pleasant (especially when compared to our mental previous landlady) and having them about was no problem. On Thursday they came and did lots of work in the garden but didn't quite finish and so they came back on Friday. By which point the chap had done his back in and couldn't help. Which led to him coming in to sit down and us talking about all manner of things (my future career, churches, NZ/UK cultural differences, what we miss most about home, how much you can (can't) trust the media, the NHS vs NZ medical system...). It was very pleasant. We talked for a good few hours while "she" finished off the gardening. A great use of an afternoon when I was getting not very much at all done.

Then on Saturday morning I telephoned a gentleman who has kind of adopted one of my cousins and is a surrogate grandfather to him (the common grandparent we have left is Grannie and thus there is a grandfather shaped hole). This gentlemen splits his time between the UK and NZ and knows the bit of the country we are thinking of travelling on our three week camping extravaganza reasonably well. My dad spoke to my cousin, my cousin spoke to the gentleman and there I found myself ringing someone I don't know at all to chat about holidays... I don't like ringing people, I especially don't like ringing people I don't know or only know a little bit and don't know how to introduce myself (you know, that person that you know who they are but you've not really spoken but someone suggested you ring them cos they have this thing you need to borrow or whatever and how much detail do you need to put in? Is your first and last name enough? Do you need to give them a context? Or a so-and-so said to call?). In that respect, this was a relatively easy call to make because he wouldn't know who I was and there was obvious context to give. Anyway, point being, I was a little nervous about the call but ended up having a nice wee chin wag with the gentleman (definitely a gentleman) and agreeing that if we ended up in his neck of the woods, we'd pop by for a coffee. All good.

Last night, we had a very social evening though without any of the randomness of the first two! We went into Wellington for a gig by our friend's brother's band. We do know the brother too but he has been away down south at uni for the past year so we've not really seen him since we spent Christmas with the family last year. Anyway. His band were up for a few days for this gig and so on and a lot of our best friends here were at the gig. It was a fantastic evening of hanging out with people, chatting, dancing and really, really enjoying the band. I was very impressed. They are a crazy mix of country and alternative rock but it works very well. Their cowboy hats were ace. Here is their myspace page - check them out. :) A very fun evening. But highlighted how old we are...it was a long way past my bedtime when we got home at 1am...

A jolly holiday

2007-12-26T19:28:00.000Z

Despite never quite managing to achieve that "Christmas feeling", we've had a very jolly few days.

On the 23rd, I sang in a choir at church in the morning. It had been quite traumatic in the run up as it really felt like everything wasn't going to be ready on time. It was, just. And now I've stopped humming the tunes relentlessly, it almost seems that it was enjoyable.

In the afternoon, Husbink woke up early from his mid-work-nights sleep and we walked up the firebreak in the hills behind our house. It was pretty hard work at points and my legs were shaking by the top but the sense of achievement and the views made it extremely worthwhile. Coming down was a little hair raising in places - I "chose" to sit down a few times!

Christmas Eve was hectic - Husbink sleeping off nights, sorting out chips in the car windscreen (turned out replacement was the best option so we have a shiny new windscreen now, doubt that will last long on NZ roads!), baking, having the owners of our house come round for a look (as they are back from the UK for a week for the first time in about three years...), doing various house jobs and trying to stay awake for a midnight service...

Christmas Day was lovely. Mostly very chilled out (a little unchilled initially as there were just soooo many people at our friends house and all trying to get to different places to see other parts of families and so on...). We ate, we went for a walk, we got very frustrated with various little puzzles, we ate more, we drank a little, we came home and watched my Christmas present from Husbink's sis (the BBC version of Wind in the Willows from last Christmas, it was good). And then we had a Very Big Sleep. Mmmm.

Boxing Day took us by surprise by starting off very sunny - which frankly was not what we wanted. We were really looking for a good excuse to spend the entire day lying on the sofa watching DVDs, munching goodies and so on. Fortunately, after we had forced ourselves out for a little bike ride, the weather turned and we had a miserable afternoon that totally justified watching Harry Potter and eating cake. It was the first Harry Potter which I haven't seen in quite a while and it was fun. Though a lot of the fun was both of us sitting there going "gosh, wasn't book 7 brilliant!" and other such things. It would have been extremely irritating for anyone else to watch with us.

And now, Husbink is back to work and with just two weeks left in the house, I'm full steam ahead sorting and packing and so on. Crazy days.

Downloading my brain

2007-12-20T04:05:00.000Z

My brain is just a teensy weensy bit full at the moment with all the moving things and the Husbink job things (I haven't really mentioned this yet...but he will have to apply for the Big Next August jobs before we leave NZ rather than being home in time for applications as we had hoped. Also the jobs have changed. He'll only be applying to 2-3 years rather than 7. Which in some ways seems more manageable but means that life will continue to be precarious.) and so I needed to clear out various thoughts today. Thus quite a few posts. I hope that makes it more manageable than one Mahooooosive one.
Urgh, my brain hurts. And the day isn't over yet...

The Difference Between Me And Kiwis. No, not the birds. Or the fruit.

2007-12-20T03:51:00.000Z

I came to realise today one of the big differences between me and your average Kiwi.
Mostly, in what I'm going to describe I'd rather be like them than me but I accept (to a large extent) that I am a product of my country and my upbringing and although, with awareness I may change a little, I do not think I will change drastically in this area. Of course, what follows is also gross generalisation.
Kiwis are blunt. They may appear rude in various circumstances. They do not wave to say thank you when you let them pass you on the road. They do not make many attempts at "the customer is always right" if they believe you to be entirely wrong.
Kiwis are also exceedingly friendly. They will not gush at you or bounce at you or bubble at you. But they will invite you into their home and expect you to understand that that invitation really is an open one. You will, if you wish it, find yourself with several surrogate families. And not just one layer of those families. We have two surrogate families here. Both are wonderful and we will miss both very much. Even outside our surrogate families, we have good, good friends who will help us out at a moments notice, even if they are lost in the midst of Christmas shopping with three small, not wonderfully happy children. Even if they are people that perhaps we would say we didn't know so well, we know they will help, always.
And I am the opposite of this. I will be very excited to meet you. I will bounce. I will chatter. I will want you to feel at home. But my home will not, much as I might wish otherwise, be one that you feel you can just drop in on. I hope when you do come round that you will feel very welcome but I know that you will have waited for an invitation rather than just appearing on the doorstep. When you ask me for help, I will have to swallow all the thoughts that bubble up first (what about this plan or that plan, I'm not sure I have time, I need to do this, I can't do that, urgh) before I can help you. I will still help you most of the time but I don't think I'll be as helpful as I would if I didn't have to push aside those thoughts first. The flip side is that most of the time, I won't ask you for help because I won't want to put you out either.
I've had to learn this over the past year and a half. First, that Kiwis aren't rude or even abrupt, they just aren't spending their energy where I do. Second, that actually, I should ask for help, it is always there and keen to be given. If I ask for more help then perhaps I will learn to give more help too. Third, being polite and friendly at first meeting is ok too. :)

Getting in the spirit of things...

2007-12-20T03:36:00.001Z

I've struggled a little (but not as much as last year) to get into the Christmas spirit while "upside down". Instead of dark nights, woolly hats, the possibility of snow and twinkly lights to herald the Christmas season, down here it is strawberry picking, blossoming pohutukawa, end of year school exams and the approach of the longest day that indicate to those in the know that Christmas is just around the corner.
I've been waiting and waiting for the pohutukawa ever since last May when we moved to this house on a pohutukawa lined street. Sadly it is a bad year for them this year (having been the best year in a long, long time last year) and only one on the street is showing any signs of blossom. I had trained myself that pohutukawas meant Christmas. They have let me down.
We are not helped, of course, by the super early posting thing. It cost well close to $200 to send all our parcels and cards this year despite getting in before the "economy" deadline. Had we left it until a little closer to Christmas so that we were more "in the mood", I dread to think what that cost would have been.
It is hard to trigger that Christmas feeling, excitement (materialistic, spiritual or emotional), because we don't have any of the usual clues.
And so I have spent this afternoon wrapping up the few small presents I got for Husbink and baking for the church community Christmas lunch (apparently over 200 people from the community who would not have anyone else to spend Christmas with are going this year, awesome!), with a sound track of my two Christmas CDs - Songs of Praise carols and, umm, I don't remember the name of the other one but something like The Best Christmas Album in the World Ever Part 27...
I'm not sure I'm any more in the mood as would be normal back home but I'm certainly a little more giddy. And mainly it is down to one song. Ahem. Possibly one of the cheesiest songs in existance but with that manages to marry together the different strands of Christmas excitement. The cheesy, twinkly-lighted, shopping, shopping, shopping excitement. The emotional, family aspect (at least in part cos my mum and gran both like it too). The spiritual part as, of modern Christmas songs (i.e. not including carols), it has to have some of the words that best reflect Christianity, and how it now squeezes into an increasingly secular celebration of one of its most important events. Yes, that would be Saviour's Day by Cliff Richard. The only song in my Christmas collection that made me dance round the living room and kitchen while baking my ginger & almond biscotti (an experiment - need work, too sweet...). Having said that, The Spinners version of The Twelve Days of Christmas has just come on...if anything can make me giggle and fall into childhood reminiscence, it is The Spinners. Oh, and maybe Flanders & Swan but that isn't relevant to this now is it?

I love it when a plan comes together...

2007-12-19T19:46:00.000Z

This week has been a little hectic so far but has seen HUGE amounts completed off the ENORMOUS to do before moving countries list. And off the reasonably small to do before Christmas list. And off the isn't it nice to have fun sometimes list.
Which is all rather exciting. I was gaining a rather comfortable sense of achievement from all the list ticking which was hugely added to last night when we went climbing and I made it up The Chimney. The first time we climbed (this being our third time) I belayed a friend while she went up The Chimney and I thought "no way". Yesterday Husbink decided to go up it so I belayed him and still thought "no way". But he persuaded me and I Did It. You could not wipe the grin off my face for the next few hours, I was very chuffed with myself. The absolute agony that I'm expecting through all my muscles at some point today hasn't arrived yet... Typing is quite hard work though as my fingers are pretty knackered! I'm hoping we can find as nice a climbing wall in England as this one. It has character, rather than just being part of a leisure complex or the like. Though I do feel a little bit like I don't really need to acquire any more hobbies, perhaps just some useful skills for life or some career options or something like that would be handy... Ah well, I'll stick with the hobbies until then I guess...
Time for today's to do list. :)

You know you have to laugh at yourself...

2007-12-14T19:53:00.001Z

I was just sent a quiz on facebook by a friend who is about 16...
It was a "how old are you?" quiz and she had come out at 22.
So I thought well, why not...
And I came out as...6! Which makes me quite happy. I may spend today being a 6 year old. Only, one that can drive a car...(actually, saying that the batmobile was my favourite car probably has a lot to do with the outcome...but the choices were really bad...)
It is only slightly alarming that they decided I was 6 after I'd said my favourite drink was wine...

Emotionally Hungover

2007-12-13T19:44:00.000Z

Yesterday evening went pearshaped.
A number of things contributed. We can't deny the old hormones. Or the general emotional upheaval of the moment. Or the earwig. Crawling on my black & white chocolate muffin.
On the whole, the emotion was that silly uncontrolable grump that only hormones can cause. I wrote a blog last night. I had just enough sense left to delete it. I also had just enough sense left in the hour or so spent trawling the internet (cos I was too upset to go to bed) to not throw my computer against the wall when I read various things that upset, infuriated or belittled me. I'm sure if I read those things today there would be no problem.
I ended up deciding it was safest not to stray into too many unknown territories at this point and started reading various "old things". Old emails, old blog entries. Eventually this did help me calm down enough to go and sit on Husbink's knee for a while (still incapable of saying anything nice to him. He's an awfully good Husbink to have) and finally make my way to bed. I woke up this morning still in a reasonable tiz so we played a game that we both have a very strong love/hate relationship with. It eventually made me so upset and angry that I started crying and then could tell Husbink all the things that were bothering me from the "I know this only bothers me because of the hormones" to the "This is actually a serious problem and I don't think we can fix it but you should know" issues.
Then we went to the library and rented the 5th season of 24 and I bought lots of new wool (not from the library) for more squares for my multicoloured blanket. And had beans on toast for lunch. (Only, they were weird beans...morrocan stylee which meant they weren't really like baked beans at all and more like a morrocan tagine thing with chickpeas that I sometimes make. All well and good but not really what I was after on a comfort eating day. Which means it is definitely fish fingers and chips for tea. I digress. Which is frankly what I'm going to do all post. You may want to stop reading now...). I feel ok now. I don't feel amazing. I certainly don't feel positive enough to go out and deal with Christmas shopping for Husbink's presents when I don't have any idea what I'm going to get. That would definitely still fall into the dangerous category. I'm emotionally hungover. I'm drained from fighting through the undergrowth. I know I'm going to feel better from here and that a number of the feelings will disappear (the irrational jealousies, the silly moments of choosing to take offense...) however, I also know that the larger problems are no closer to being resolved. And they won't be because, quite simply, life has to play itself out. There are various knowns...we have flights to catch, we have weddings to attend, family reunions to enjoy or tolerate (depending on which of several events...). It is a pretty short list of knowns though when compared to the unknowns (job? house? where? what? kids?) and each unknown rests precariously against the others making each decision vital and impossible. I simply have to take a back seat for a while and watch what happens. I've come to a few conclusions on various of the unknowns and I've learnt a lot about myself over the past year and a bit. I won't make some of the mistakes I made before but I'm sure I'll find new ones.
(Heh. I've got my (almost) entire CD collection on random on the laptop at the moment. And it has chosen now to play The Happy Song (sadly the slightly more lacklustre Matt Redman version as opposed to either Deliriou5? or Why?) (oh and I couldn't find a decent YouTube version...and to be honest, if you don't know the song I'm talking about, you probably wouldn't want to be introduced to it!))
I've reached one decision that, well, it isn't quite a decision because I suspect there may be some cases of "needs must" over the next year or so...perhaps I have made a concrete realisation instead. Here it is...
I never wanted to work in an office. It was my single greatest dread when I was a child. I'd been fooling myself that because the various office jobs (not counting temping, which is just weird...and just doesn't quite count) I've done have not been typical - have not involved banks or having to wear suits and so on - that I hadn't really been working in offices. Obviously, I have been working in offices. It is precisely what I have been doing. And even when working in offices for good causes and so on, it is still working in an office. It is still administration. It is still paperwork. Which is all well and good but I've just woken up and realised it is not well and good for me. There is a dream not-office-job that I have now but I think it is a long way off, if ever. Other than the dream job though, there are plenty of things out there that don't involve an office and I have to start thinking about possibilities there. Which could be quite fun. Certainly better to view as fun than not...
(Oooh, and now You Stole the Sun has come on...which has put me in mind of a new top ten...)

So Much Fun

2007-12-13T01:01:00.000Z

Today, Husbink and I took Child Number 1 (of the feeding lambs excitement a few months back) to a children's adventure playground. Her mum has a really nasty flu so we thought we'd give her a bit of time just with Child Number 2 to contend with.
The adventure playground believes in encouraging the adults to play with the kids. We did not need encouraging. I haven't been in a ball pool since I was...I don't know...6? 7? And I haven't been down a huge bouncy castle slide since...ever!
So we crawled through gaps, climbed up platforms, sat in the cockpit of the helicopter at the top of the "climbing frame" (really quite high...ok so not as high as the walls we climbed at the rock climbing place yesterday but for small children...) and had lots and lots of goes on the curly slide. It was great.
It was also very painful! Husbink bashed his thumb so that it started bleeding lots, I have a definite bruise on my right knee and a generally red left knee, we both have very scraped up elbows. Which, when compared to the rock climbing yesterday, is a pretty high injury rate!

Other fun things of late have included watching Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang yesterday. Very silly. It was the second time Husbink had seen it in as many days and the first time I had seen it. I get the impression it gets sillier with time. Anyway, I'd recommend it for a bit of fun mixed with action.
I have also watched two other films in the last few days. (Blockbuster has a crazy Mondays & Thursdays thing where you can hire up to seven catalogue DVDs for seven days for $1 each. Works really well when Husbink is on lates so I have something to watch during the evening and then he has something to unwind with when he gets in around 1am.) The first film was March of the Penguins which was pretty disappointing but perhaps I just wasn't in the right space...
The second film was As it is in Heaven which was beautiful. For anyone who doesn't know it, it is a Norwegian film about a famous conductor/composer/violinist who has a heartattack and needs to take time out. He returns to the village he left when he was 7 after being bullied for his music. No one knows he used to live there (his manager changed his name) and he ends up coaching the church choir. It is not outrageously cheesy as it could be. It is not entirely feel good. The music is gorgeous (especially the song he writes for an abused wife). I'd entirely recommend it.

I'm scratching around my brain (feeling like a chicken in a dusty barnyard...) trying to think of something else suitably lighthearted from the last few days but sadly failing. Which I think has more to do with just how tiring it is to playing an adventure playground all morning than a lack of enjoyment from the last wee while. It's time for my afternoon nap...

I know it is stupid but...

2007-12-11T03:42:00.000Z

So I've been trying to get ahead of myself with all the things that leaving a house, a town and a country require.
Flights, end of tenancy notice, shipping companies, cancelling this, cancelling that, arranging to get rid of various items, sell others, have a good holiday on the way...
Last week I completed several of these tasks and was at the point where basically only the holiday bit (and the actual packing) still remained to be done.
Then today, I find that one of the bits that I had thought sorted several weeks ago (cancelling gym membership) wasn't. I found this out because they took more money off us. But only my money. They have managed to cancel Husbink's membership, just not mine.
It is not a big deal. At worst it means I get to use the gym for another two weeks. At best it means that when I get to talk to the right person tomorrow, they realise their mistake, give me my money back and on we trot.
But it has really wound me up. One of those silly, silly moments when you feel "if this has gone wrong, what other bogey men are waiting round the corner to stuff up my plans!?" Rational, I know.
I'm utterly capable of this feeling in reverse too. If something that I expect to be difficult goes well then suddenly it feels like everything will run smoothly, there will be no glitches, all will, indeed, be well.
It appears I am not capable of taking each event on its own and simply dealing with it. This caused me endless problems in probability classes at school and uni as I refused to accept that the next outcome was not influenced by the former (I'm not talking about just rolling a die here - though I can put forward a good argument for that not being a series of independent events too).
Husbink and I were playing cribbage earlier and he had won each round and was very close to winning the game. Very close. I said I thought it pointless to continue as there was no way I was going to win. Of course, it was possible for me to win still but based on the previous rounds, unlikely. My mood, the shuffling of the cards, etc, etc, all combine at this point, in my mind to make it far more likely that Husbink will continue to win. He views the events as distinct.
So just because I lost at cribbage and the gym have briefly been useless, does not mean that we are going to get booted out of our house a week too early, arrive at the airport to discover ALL FLIGHTS EVER have been cancelled or that our shipping will end up at the bottom of the sea somewhere but just now it sure as anything feels like it.

It was the best of weekends...it was the worst of weekends...

2007-12-10T05:10:00.000Z

(Actually, that isn't fair. But it was a very contrasting weekend.)

Laaaaaaate on Thursday night (so much so that it was already an hour plus into Friday) my brother arrived from Sydney. Husbink was working nights at the time and so Friday morning was taken up with much needed sleep (and much creeping about on behalf while the men slept on...we really don't have enough rooms for guests!).

Anyhoo, after the brother woke up, we left Husbink sleeping a little longer while we went out in search of a marvellous kiwi brunch. We found it, we were happy. :)

Finally, Husbink was up-and-at-'em (actually I must say, Husbink managed to get up without all the prodding/shouting/bacon wafting that it usually takes to get him out of bed when he's just finished nights. I was extremely grateful and it was one of the things that really helped my weekend get off to a good start) and we could head away to Martinborough for three nights of relaxation, wine tasting, good meals at restaurants, wineries and the place we were staying (courtesy of us - my bro's bbq skills, my salad skills and Husbink's holding-it-all-together skills all came to the fore).

We cycled hither and thither - Saturday afternoon from winery to winery (we fitted in six); Sunday we cycled out of town and along a gravel road called "River End"...we thought we'd try to find the end of the river...it turned out to be a stagnant pool...rather disappointing but the cycle was still fun! Of course, the ride ended at a couple more wineries... This exercise *almost* justified a third of what we consumed over the weekend!

We found some spectacular wines and wineries - for anyone interested in experimenting with new wines, I'd advise some of the following (possible to track down in places in Australia, limited availability in the UK...so really, you should just come here and see for yourself...)

Alana Estate - has to be one of my favourite places in the world. Staff are welcoming, friendly, knowledgable (in a want to share their enthusiasm with you way rather than a hoity toity snooty way). Restaurant is also fantastic and the food and wine matches are done superbly. We are more than a little gutted to have left NZ before their summer concert series really kicks off.

Stonecutter - a new experience from this weekend, Stonecutter give the impression of making wine by accident, but it turns out rather superbly, especially their Syren Pinot Gris and regular Pinot Gris. I suspect rather more thought goes into it than they let on!

Tirohana - all round good stuff. Again, another winery that we had failed to visit on our previous excursions. Friendly staff, good wine and of course, with an ice wine on the books, I'm never going to be sad.

Haythornthwaite Wines - Possibly the most fun of the weekend, run by Susan (who was busy wrapping up wine for Christmas presents) and Mark (who was a lot of fun and very informative), Haythornthwaites produces some fantastic wines with a lot less pretention than they could justify considering the quality of the wine. I had been sent there by Alana on our first visit to Martinborough as Haythornthwaites is one of the few Martinborough wineries to produce a gewurtztraminer however they had always been closed until this time... Sadly, they had no gewurtz left...until I mentioned it for the sixth time, at which point Mark admitted he had three bottles out the back and could we twist his arm a little more? I haven't tasted it yet but I was rather chuffed to have acquired it! The rest of their wines were very pleasant and Mark made us taste their two pinot noirs alongside each other (young vines in the left hand glass, old vines in the right hand glass) which was very interesting.

Vynfields - Their wines don't amaze me, all fine but nothing wow. However, should you ever be in the area, it is a wonderful place to lose an afternoon. And they make very tasty platters to soak up a little of the alcohol. (They also don't seem to have a website of their own.)

Benfield & Delamare - a bizarre little place. The wines were fine, the staff eccentric!

Margrain - you aren't going to go wrong with a Margrain wine. Sadly, it seems they know that and their cellar door staff were worse than lacklustre. While other staff would have persuaded us to part with a lot of cash and lose an afternoon there (beautiful setting, pretty good food), they effectively shooed us away. Buy the wines, don't bother with a visit.

Martinborough Vineyard - probably Husbink's favourite in terms of the wines. Certainly the Te Tera Pinot Noir is something very special. Staff took a bit of thawing but we were quite late by that stage and I think they were getting bored of the tipsy Sunday avo hoards. We even went back on Monday morning to buy more. Definitely a label to look out for.

And finally, Ata Rangi - we didn't visit these guys this time, but their superb value rose still hits all the right spots!

So what could possibly have been the downside of this weekend? Horrific (yes, I'm aware I'm over using this word at the moment!) hayfever. In some respects, not the worst hayfever I've ever had, its persistent, red-eyed (no, I promise it wasn't just from the wine), tight-chested, blocked-nose, itchy-mouthed present put a certain dampener on the weekend. Not least because by this morning I was feeling so sleep deprived and cranky (add the "monthlies" and a bit of a hangover into the mix too) that all I wanted to do was kick my brother onto that plane, Husbink out the door to work and get some sleep. ON. MY. OWN.

I knew I'd regret it if I didn't make the most of absolutely every minute with my brother so tried my hardest to push on through. An apologetic text is still called for though!

I am now home alone and within the next few hours I intend/hope/pray I'll be sleeping like a baby.

(Confession: The picture is actually from our first trip to Martinborough, last January. We took a weekend off taking snaps, my bro doing a good line in finding comedy places to put his tiny-weeny-smaller-than-a-phone camera to take pics of all three of us. Once he's sent them through, I will enlighten you further...perhaps! The reason I felt a need to confess was because the weather wasn't quite so picture-perfect this weekend, but that actually worked quite well for all the cycling and boozing, at least we didn't add heat stroke to the reasons for dehydration!)

Entertainment?

2007-12-04T21:23:00.000Z

A couple of years ago, in the months leading up to our departure from the UK, Husbink and I watched "The Constant Gardener". The effect of this film upon us was to cling onto each other at the end and promise to never, ever let go.
Last night, we watched Hotel Rwanda. The effect of this film? Well, besides that fact that I was so involved in and so overcome by the film that I felt like throwing up for a good few hours after, the ultimate effect was realising just how rubbish we humans can be. More specifically, how rubbish I can be.
I sat watching it thinking "if I had known, if I had been able to do anything at the age of 14, if anything like this was happening now and I knew about it, nothing, NOTHING, would stop me trying to fix it". Hello? Brain? Have you not been watching the news these past few years, have you not realised how much you have forgotten about areas of the world where this and similar "problems" still occur?
Which brings us back to the point of several months ago and the "what can I do about Burma?" question. I have less answers - and more sadly less questions - now than I did when I last posted about this.

Last week in our home group, we invited two older members of the church to come and help us establish our spiritual gifts and what they might mean for our lives (Husbink is the oldest member of our group and the youngest is, I think, 19 so it was new to some members of the group to think about this stuff).
My gifts? Teaching and exhorting.
My lowest gifts? All those practical things that tell you that someone needs practical help, that this practical thing needs doing, that this is how you do this practical thing...
Exhorting is all about helping people in their personal life - overcome problems (not in an emotional way, that comes under mercy - which apparently I'm not very good at at all), encouraging people to do the best they can, be the best they can etc etc. (Teaching is all about feeding their brains. No kidding.)
So based on that, I'm never going to be the person who sees a need and knows how to fix it, who knows how to get food parcels to orphans or medicine to disaster victims. I'm only too happy to help, but someone is going to have to tell me to help and tell me how to help. I'm very good at buying food for the food bank and putting it in the food bank box - but not until someone told me to do it and told me what kinds of foods were actually useful.
In many ways, it is comforting to be able to think "I'm not made like that" because I do spend a lot of time beating myself up about why I'm not like that. However, in many ways, it is frustrating to realise that this question may well keep coming back to me - what can I do and why can't I answer "what can I do"?
I guess I just have to find ways of making my far more airy-fairy personality useful. While I work that out, if those practical friends out there could tel me what to do and how to do it when it comes to being useful, I'd be very grateful.